My Dad will soon be gone 18 years, and some days I still miss him like it was just yesterday, we were best friends. Dad got sick a couple years before he passed away. He had had some light strokes and hardening of the arteries. I was married and had a family of my own. I was raised in a Christian home, and never saw my Dad do or say anything wrong. I thought he was as close to perfect as anyone could be.
Then, one day I saw him curse at my Mom, and threaten to hit her. Mom was as humble and sweet as anyone, could be. Things continued to get worse until we feared he was going to hurt my Mom or even take her life. This went on for quite some time. I gradually begin to have a hatred toward my Dad. I thought he was being just plain mean to her. I remember sitting and wishing he would die. (Something I have regretted so many times.) We struggled with this for months, until he got really sick and had to be hospitalized. He was in the hospital for several weeks before he died.
After, his death, I had this terrible guilt for having turned against him, but, more than anything, I worried about where his soul would go. Many nights I would lay in my bed and ask God to give me peace about his soul. About 9 months after his death, my 4 year old daughter and me were going to the store one day, and she said, " Mommie, I saw Papa last night when I went to bed, and I wasn't asleep, I know I was awake because, I would close my eyes and then open them and I could still see him". I asked her what she saw and she said, Papa was standing on a hillside with beautiful flowers, in a white robe, I could see it blowing in the wind, and he was motioning for me to come go with him, but, I could not get to him because there was a big stream of water between us, she said he would reach his hand out for me but, I couldn't quite reach it. I would open my eyes I could see this, and when I closed my eyes I could still see this, over and over.
I was so excited , I thought God had finally answered my prayers, and that Dad was in heaven, But then she said, It really didn't look like Papa, but I think it was. I asked her why, and she said she didn't know., it just didn't look like him. So, my excitement faded, I thought she was just dreaming about someone else, and she thought it was her Papa. Nothing more was said about it. Again, I had this terrible feeling that he did not have his heart right with God.
About a week later, my daughter was in the yard playing, when she came running in the house saying, Mommie, Mommie I know now why that didn't look like Papa. I ask her why, and she said, "He had two eyes". You see my Dad got his eye put out when he was a child, and we had never known him any way except with one eye, he could not wear a glass eye. This confirmed any doubt I ever had about my Dad's eternity. I know without a doubt he is in heaven. Whether this was a dream, a vision or just something in her mind I know God answered my prayer.
God is so good, he said, He would give us the desires of our hearts, and he has never failed me. I thank him for this great peace he gives. No four year old could have put this together without the Lord's help.
I would just like to say, Dad's problem, was sickness, and I just did not recognize it. I'm so sorry I ever thought he was any thing else. I love him and will strive to meet him someday. I pray I can be as good a Mother and Grandmother as he was a Dad.
I know he is in heaven with a brand new body, and two good eyes. Thanks for allowing me to share this.
Wanda Granbery Lamb
You can send email to Wanda at: [email protected]
anniversary date June 1981
date of post 03-17-99