God, You Took My Mommy Too Soon

Tammy Penner

A lot of my memories of my mom are very vague, except for the last day that I saw her alive. I remember it so well, as if it happened just yesterday. My dad came to pick my brother and I up from school, it had been snowing and was cold. We walked in the front door of the house and my dad called out to my mom (my dad had been gone a total of maybe 10 min.). She did not answer so my father went in the bedroom to find her lying there, totally helpless. She could not move and was in a lot of pain. She had had a heartattack. My dad quickly called an ambulance and while talking to them on the phone he was shaking and crying. I was so scared. When the ambulance arrived, they put my mom on a stretcher and were taking her out to the ambulance. I touched her cheek and said, "It's going to be all right mommy,"

From that day till a few days later I draw a blank. I only know from my dad telling me that she had a mild attack and was in the hospital for a long time. We were then living with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle. They took turns taking care of us. While my dad was in the hospital he had to make the decision of what to do with my mom, she was on life support. They told him that she was a vegetable and would never live a good life, so he told them to pull the plug, and then she died.

The funeral was awful, all my relatives would just come over and pat me on the head and say, "it's okay to cry". Well, all I ever do is cry now, every time I see a funeral or see a man cry. She was lying in her casket, so still, I walked over to see her and touched her face to see if she was sleeping. She didn't move so I knew that she was gone.

I remember when my mom was still alive we would lay in bed and talk before I went to sleep and I told her that if she ever died I wanted to be buried in the casket with her. I miss her so much and I really wish she could celebrate some of the special occasions coming up in my life, marriage, and children.

I miss you and love you so much mom!

Tammy ( chick-a-dee)

You can send email to Tammy at: [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date January 1977
date of post 12-04-97

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW