Letter to My Mother


May 2, 1998

Dearest Mom,

Yesterday the sun shown brightly. This morning, though, I awoke early to the sound of raindrops outside my window. It's another Saturday without you........... you left us exactly 4 weeks ago today for your last "journey". When I was very little and couldn't sleep because the sound of rain kept me awake, do you remember what you used to say to me? You'd say, "Just think of it as a lullaby." I always sleep best when it rains because of you. But this morning even the rain brings no respite from the pain of your leaving. It rained so much those last few days we were able to share with you. Did the gentle sounds it made help to lull you to your final sleep, Mom?

Yesterday I got to thinking how my life with you has come full circle. My very first memory of you and my very last memory of you were both in hospitals. I remember being 2 1/2 and you had taken me to have my tonsils removed. I know we've often reminisced about this, about how I have such a vivid recollection of the nurses trying to take me from you as I clung desperately to youómy arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders, while I cried out, "Mommy, Mommy," amid a deluge of tears. But I was taken away from you, anyway. I felt so utterly alone and helpless then. Four weeks ago, when the nurses told me you were going to die, once again I clung desperately to you--my arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders, while I cried out, "Mom, Mom", amid a deluge of tears. But you were taken away from me, anyway. I felt so utterly alone and helpless, then too.

Isn't it strange, Mom, that we formed this circle, together you and I? That my first remembrance of you is so like that of my last? But oh what we shared in those countless in between times. A lifetime of memories are all that is left now to cling desperately to--to wrap my heart around while I remember you amid smiles and tears.

Sleep peacefully, Mom. The rain has stopped. But my love for you, my memories of you, and the feel of you deep within my soul....is ever constant-----and, there, no one will be able to take you or me away from each other ever again.

I love and miss you, so.


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anniversary date 04-04-98
date of post 05-02-98

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW