Death of My Son


My husband and I tried for over five years to conceive a child. We were delirious with joy when on June 9, 1973 Andrew Charles was born. The nursery nurses dubbed him Bright Eyes, because he would wake up and just look around and not cry like the other babies. He was a loving, caring child with a ready smile that lit up the world. His passion was soccer and my house has many of his trophies. He was a first class Boy Scout working his way toward Eagle Scout. He teased the life out of his baby brothers.

When his father left us, Andy was 9, Matthew 21 months and John 6 weeks old. Andy and I forged a strong bond. People said we were more than mother and son, we were best friends. I learned to rely on him and trust his judgement, but continued to make sure he remained a child because that was what he was.

When he was 14 1/2 years old, I left him with an adult friend of mine. I had to go to NY to get my mother so she could spend Christmas with us. Andy was going to friend's party. On Sunday, Dec. 20,1987, when we returned home, my mother was putting the two little ones to bed. There was a knock on my door. was the Deputy Coroner and a policeman. There had been an accident and my precious son was gone. I had to go identify his body. I still relive that night. Since we are Jewish, funeral arrangements were made on Monday and he was laid to rest on Tuesday. I remember looking around the chapel and being amazed at how many people were there. Three busses from the high school filled with his friends, his pediatrician, members of our synagogue, my co-workers, even people who had moved away made the sad journey to honor him.

I miss him constantly and wonder what sort of man he would be. His brothers have marked many important passages of their lives without their older brother. I see his friends. They have graduated from college and are getting married. His brothers are older than he was and doing things he never got to do. Chanukah and Christmas are torture for me. His birthday and Mothers Day are too. His brothers want to celebrate his birthday every year and we do. Somehow it makes us feel a little better. MY PRECIOUS SON; YOU ARE GONE FROM THIS EARTH BUT NOT FROM OUR HEARTS. UNTIL WE ARE TOGETHER AGAIN PLEASE KNOW I LOVE YOU AS LIFE ITSELF.



You can send email to Serena at: [email protected]
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anniversary date 12-20-87
date of post 07-31-97

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW