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January 6th 1970
- A winter night
- Shortly after Christmas
- We are still warmed
- by the presents
- the food
- A family connected in holiday
- our hopes and dreams
- for the New Year
- starting to rise above history
- There is a problem
- You are unhealthy
- two hundred and thirty pounds
- on a five foot eleven frame
- You decide it is time to return
- to high school form
- Basketball is your vehicle
- you go to the gym
- play for a couple of hours
- play very hard
- I am waiting for you
- when you come home
- The Knicks and Lakers are on TV
- We watch in your room
- I am happy we are spending time together
- so are you
- The score is 88-87
- The knicks are winning
- you go to the bathroom
- I tell you to hurry
- the game is almost over
- A minute later I hear
- a loud bang a thump
- unlike anything I've heard before
- I run to the bathroom
- You are on the ground
- you look blue
- Mom tells me to call next door
- Tells me to ask the neighbor to call 911
- Quickly there are people in the house
- that I don't know
- machines that I don't understand
- Just as quickly they are gone
- My mother goes with them
- I stay at home to watch my sister
- who is still asleep
- She is seven
- I think about waking her
- but don't want her to experience
- this kind of fear
- Years pass in minutes
- I pace I cry
- I pray to Saint Jude
- please save my father
- I promise I will never do anything
- wrong again
- The car pulls up
- My mother gets out
- The neighbor is still with her
- He puts his arm around her in the driveway
- I scream
- I run out into the snow past them
- they try to stop me
- but I need to run
- I hope the wind
- the speed
- will free the pain
- but soon I start to freeze
- I return to the house
- My mother and I
- sob
- hug
- in the foyer
- My father is dead at thirty-seven
- Nothing will ever be the same
Change of Season
- Simple things remind me of you now
- your name
- scrawled on a rock
- Mrs. Robinson playing on the radio
- Abbott and Costello
- Gray things too
- a clenched fist ready to strike
- only to open in greeting
- concealed rage that you felt
- as you traded absenteeism for
- material stuff
- filler
- Every time I laugh I hear your voice
- when I work I work for your
- acceptance
- Even when I made love for the first time
- I wondered what sex was like for you
- Now the tears come more often
- When they do
- I want you to hold me
- This is true even though I am older than you now
- This is true even as I hold
- my own son
- as he struggles with a dissappointment
- This is true and it transcends normal time
- It's father time
- I am so fucking angry at you
- I want to scream and yell and hit you
- Then I want you to reach out and stop me
- by telling me it will be ok in words and touch
- I want you to cry for all that you have missed
- I am a graduate of Notre Dame, a husband, a lover, a father,
- a musician, a vice president of a billion dollar business,
- a poet, a good friend
- This is the year I passed you by
- I could have stopped learning
- I could have retired
- I could have run away
- Hell, I could have died
- But I didn't
- I made these choices
- in unchartered territory
- For the first time
- without the pull of unspoken guidance
- I 've been given a gift of life
a gift of love
- a gift of fatherhood
- a gift of learning
- I can't give all of these away because of how much
- I love you
- It's time for a change of season
- My heart won't miss the winter
- as it finally learns to miss you
Grandfather
Death comes softly
after so many years
as invincible
patriarch
How hard it is to see you this way
silent
between tears and Rose
It floods me with memories
of quarters
ties
the old radio in the basement
the crab trees
the shore
strawberries
long talks over football
I was the first grandson
endeared by order
by substitution
The son that never came
a circle in a square
hair always a little too long
values a little too left
I always yielded back then
I thought out of respect
but really
it was out of love
You taught me first
that love and difference
together
are a gift to be
cherished
Rich Marcello
You can send email to Rich at [email protected]
mail welcome
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