Three Significant People Lost, Plus One

Patricia Valdez

After two years, I think I finally realized that I'm still in the process of grieving my parents, who died in a year's time, and the separation from my ex-husband.

I loved my parents, specially my mom, and their deaths were very difficult. My mom had a blood disease and suffered a lot before dying. My dad had serious kidney failure and suffered a lot too. They were not ready to die and they resisted and could not come to terms with their deaths. My parents were in another country, and I had to travel many times to support them and my sister, who was taking care of them. The whole process was very painful for my sister and me. I still remember my dad's desperation and still feel that I want to do something to ease his pain, as if he wasn't dead yet.

On top of this, I separated from my husband a month after my dad's death. He was the person I trusted most in the world. We had been married for eleven years. The relationship wasn't working at all, and he left.

Last year I met a man that I liked very much, and I fell in love with him, but now he's decided he doesn't love me. The pain is so strong that I don't know how to calm myself sometimes. I think this loss represents all of my previous losses, and feels like I've lost all again at the same time.

Reading this page, I realize how many people have lost their loved ones, and are even worse off than me. After all, my parents were pretty old, and my relationship with my husband wasn't good. I feel for everybody, and hope that there's peace for all of us in the end.

Patricia Valdez

You can send email to Patricia at: [email protected]
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anniversary date 1997
date of post 5-6-99

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW