There is so much I want to say to you, and so little time.
Did I ever tell you how MUCH I love you?
You are my friend. My fishing buddy. My strength! Everything good about me comes from you!
I have learned so much from you. How to ride a bike. How to drive a boat. How to swim. Water-ski. Snowmobile. How to be strong and level headed. How to look beyond people's facade and see the "real" person that they are.
I have learned from you that common sense means more than "book learning". I have learned how to love my children unconditionally, as you have loved me. You overlooked my faults and saw who I was inside.
Did I ever tell you how good you made me feel about myself? You always made me feel that I could do anything I wanted to do. That no matter how I did in school, you KNEW I was smart. You saw the intelligence in me and therefore I saw it in myself. You gave me self-worth and a value to my personality that nobody else saw. And I love you dearly for that gift. It is what helped pull me up from the treacherous path I was walking back in my teenage yrs. I always knew that I was worth something, because my Daddy loved me.
No matter what I did, my Daddy loved me. Do you know what a salvation that was to me? Probably not. I never told you. I wish I had. I am grateful that I can tell you now.
Daddy, there is so much more. I can't even begin to express what you have meant to me. I am so sorry that now that our time is short I can finally express the way I feel about you. You are my HERO. You always have been. Don't doubt it. It's true.
I love you Daddy, and I don't know how else to say goodbye. I don't want to lose you. I am so sorry for having taken you for granted. I just never realized that I would feel so lost when you were gone. I don't want to face it, but I know I must. If I came to you with this problem when I was young, you would tell me that "That's the way it is.
Death is a fact of life. Everyone dies. But they will always be with you in your heart and your thoughts." I can hear you saying it. But it really doesn't make it any easier for us, does it?
Daddy, people, your friends, ask me all the time how you are. They have great respect and admiration for you. You are well loved by everybody who has known you. That is a wonderful feeling for me. "My Dad is loved and respected by people who know him and I want to be just like him. God, please let me grow up to be like my Dad!".
I think that I have become an adult that you can be proud of, despite the bad years. YOU had a big hand in that. And I want to thank you. I've never told you that before. I don't want you to go without knowing what you have meant in my life. What you shall continue to mean to my life, even when you are gone. Your words will be carried in my heart always. Believe it.
Now Daddy.... I know that you have never been a "religious" man. But I want to share with you what I feel. I feel that we all have lessons to learn while we are here on this earth. I feel that we, each and every human being, are here to teach each other something. And that God has a plan for us all. I don't believe in hell and I don't believe in Satan.
We make our own hells and we become our own Satan's. As long as we hold love in our hearts, God understands where we are coming from. He loves us unconditionally. Just as you love me. Would you ever stop loving me? No, of course not. Neither does God stop loving you. It doesn't matter if you believe in God, because God believes in YOU! And he knows that you have done the best that you could do. You have raised a fine family and you have been kind to people. That is all that matters. He knows what is in our hearts and he knows why we do things wrong. And he forgives us. He loves us and he forgives us. He just wants us to be good to each other and to learn from our mistakes. It's never to late to know this. He will take you into his loving arms. I am comforted to know this. I want you to know it too. Because someday Daddy, I am going to die and I want you to be there to greet me and help me make the transition from this life to the next life. I want you to know that I am waiting for you to come and get me when I pass. Will you do that for me? Will you come and get me when I pass? I think you will. And if there is a way for us to communicate to each other, I want you to know that I will be trying to do it. You come see me anytime Daddy. I will be waiting to hear from you.
I love you Daddy. My friend. My mentor. I'm not going to say "Goodbye Dad.". I am going to say: "Stay in touch."
Your loving daughter, Always and Forever.
Nancy Jeanne VanDerveer
Because Angels know we've loved and lost, they help to mend our hearts.
You can send email to Nancy at: [email protected]
anniversary date 02-22-98
date of post 02-27-98