To My Sweet Angel...Alexi Taylor

Michele Shelton

This is my story... On Jan. 6th of this year I was diagnosed with a subchoronic hemorrhage. I was placed on bed rest and remained there until Monday March 9, 1998. During my three months on strict bed rest I had bi-weekly sonograms and bi- weekly visits to my OBGYN. Each time I was told that my daughter was jumpy and very healthy and that the hemorrhage was getting smaller. Yet I was very worried because throughout this entire time I had bleeding...It was an emotional roller coaster. Yet I believed in the Dr's. There were many who saw me and my case at three area hospital's so I felt confident that they knew what was going on. However to my horror and shock...On Tuesday March 4th I was rushed to the Labor and Delivery Dept. due to heavy bleeding. There a sono was done and I was told that the Baby was fine...7 hours later they sent me and my husband home...The following day I went to see my OBGYN and they too could find nothing wrong despite the blood...So I laid in bed until Sat. March 7, 1998 when the bleeding and clotting was so severe that at 6:00am my husband and I once again went to the Labor and Delivery Dept. for the entire day. Once again I had a sono ,my baby was fine and then I was sent home. This time I knew something was not right the bleeding was so bad that I called the Perinatal specialist who I had scheduled an appointment for on Thursday 12, 1998.. I told his nurse what was happening and she instantly sent me to another Hospital to be looked at...When I arrived the Dr. welcomed me with open arms and did a sono right away...After viewing he admitted me into the hospital...I had no idea what was happening but felt a sense of relief. I was going to finally be taken care of and my baby was going to me ok. On Monday March 9, that evening was the worst of my life yet what happened after that can not be put into words...I lay bleeding for 24 hours when the Dr's told me the horror I was never prepared to hear...I would have to have and emergency induction if I wanted to stay alive...That meant that my beautiful little girl who everyone said was perfect would not make it. I was only at my 21st week of pregnancy and she had no chance....Up to this point I had been given wrong advice by those who were following my case all along. My hemorrhage had never healed and it had come to a point where my body could no longer continue the battle...My husband and I were lost and filled with pain...For we had fought so hard to save Alexi that I could not do this...In the end it was not my choice and after 24 hours of labor Alexi was born.. She died during birth and that pain haunts me each day. I could still feel her moving at 6:00 am and at 8:30 am she was gone...We also have a 3 year old son who through all this has never understood why mommy can't leave the bed and why now is his sister gone. Heaven is just not a place that a 3 year old can understand. May one day our children be able to know one another...This is my dream....I have also attached a poem which I wrote to Alexi. Thank you for letting me tell my story and for sharing my daughter's life. I hope that to all who have lost someone that they find the peace, love, and joy through their tears. If you would like to write I would love to hear from you. Alexi's mom, Michele.

Alexi Taylor Shelton,

I dedicate this to you my sweet angel, Who came and left us on Thursday March 12, 1998.

My heart is full of such pain
My eyes constantly pouring like the rain
You were such a perfect beautiful little girl
One that deserved so much more
On that awful morning I had no choice
But to let you go without your voice
If I could take back what was done
In my arms we would be one
You are such a brave little angel....

Now with your wings in heaven above
May you my darling look down and see
How very special and dear you are to me
As I try and go on without you now
I really can not see how
For I will forever wonder what would have been
My daughter, my life , my friend....
May God hold you in his arms
May his love comfort you and protect you from harm
For one day we will be together
Living and loving one another forever....

I miss you my little Alexi....Love, MOMMY XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Michele Shelton

You can send email to Michele at: [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date 03-12-98
date of post 03-23-98

[return to home page] [column] [book excerpts] [honor page] [discussions page]

Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW