My Son Kevin Bowles

Martha Johnson

Kevin was born on Feb. 10, 1971. He was my second child. He was always such a happy, easy going baby. As he grew into a young man, he continued to be happy, and was always smiling. Kevin never had a bad word to say about anyone. He was not only my son, he was my friend. Kevin was very mature, and I could talk to him about anything. He always gave me his opinion. We teased, we played, we laughed. Not to say he wasn't a typical teenager during his teen years. Yes, we had our arguments, but Kevin never could stay angry. He would go to his room, but after 5 minutes or so, he would come out and say he was sorry.

When Kevin was 15, I awoke in the middle of the night from a nightmare. I was crying so hard my pillow was wet. I ran to him room to see if he was alright. I had had a dream that Kevin had died. I didn't know how it happened, but the dream was so real, I had intense pain and grief. When I went to his room, I touched his forehead with a light kiss, and he woke up. He asked me what was wrong, I quietly said, "I was just checking on you". I then went out into the hallway, and fell on my knees and thanked God that it was only a dream. In this dream, we lost Kevin when he was 20. several times a month, I had that nightmare. I told my husband about it and told him we would lose Kevin when he was 20. My husband continued to tell me it was only a nightmare.

On Feb. 10. 1991, Kevin turned 20. I was so afraid, yet happy that my nightmare hadn't come true. For, I had continued to have that dream for all those years. Then on Wednesday night, April 3,1991, I had the dream again. I again ran to his room and kissed him. I thanked God that he was alright. On the afternoon of April 4, 1991, I looked at a picture of Kevin, and started crying and asking myself how I could cope when he was gone. Then, told myself to stop it, he was still with us.

That night, Thursday, April 4, 1991, Kevin told us he was going fishing with a friend in a stock pond, I thought nothing of this because he was an excellent swimmer, and loved to fish. He left the house at 5pm. Before he left he stood at the door and looked all around the room. I asked him what was wrong, and he shuddered and said, "Nothing, I was just going to get us a coke." Before he left, we told each other we loved each other, and my husband and I watched him drive off and watched until he was out of our sight. When he wasn't home at 7:45, I told my husband I was worried because I had a feeling something had happened. My husband said they were probably just catching fish, but it was dark, and I knew something had happened. At 9:13, a knock came on the door. I ran to my closet and hid. I knew somehow. My husband came and told me I had to come and talk to the sheriff's deputies. When I walked into the room, they told me we had to go to the hospital because Kevin had been in an accident. When we got there, we were told that the boat the two boys had been fishing in had overturned. There was a lot of very dense moss growing from the bottom of the pond. Kevin's friend couldn't get out, so Kevin pushed his friend to safety. In doing this, he pushed himself back into the moss and got tangled. He was fighting to get out, and his friend ran and got in the truck and left my baby. When the paramedics got there, Kevin was gone.

My world has been shattered. When I buried my baby boy, I buried half of me. I haven't been able go on with my life. Several times I have had nightmares since then about members of my family, and they have come true. I don't know why , but I did know I would lose my Kevin. He was 20. It didn't make it any easier, it made it harder. I feel I should have been able to prevent it. I just didn't know how it would happen. I hope and pray I never have this nightmare about my other son. I couldn't handle it. Since I lost my Kevin, I have lost my 21 year old nephew and also my parents. None of these deaths have affected me at all like they would have had I not lost my son. No parent should have to bury a child. When we lose our children, we lose our future.

I miss my Kevin oh so very much. He will always be my precious baby boy. I know one day I will join him in Heaven and then there will be no more tears and sorrow.

Martha Johnson Forever Mom to Kevin

You can send email to Martha at: [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date 04-04-91
date of post 09-23-98

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW