My grandfather died last November at the age of 96. My friends' response was, "well, he was 97, what do you expect?"
He was my hero. The only person in my life who loved and supported me unconditionally. He was a wonderful poet, a great singer, a true romantic. He was the most incredible person I have ever known.
I have spent the last year being the grown up, comforting and taking care of my family, never taking time to grieve.
Last night I had a dream about him. I was in trouble, and he came to rescue me. He was old and scared, but extremely agile. He saved me.
I woke up, empty and desperate. I can't imagine the rest of my life without him. He was my anchor. I am so lost. And I can't share my pain with my family because I don't want to open up their wounds.
I am an actress, singer and a writer. In 1978 for Christmas, my Grandfather gave me a handmade wooden star and a poem. I have it on my wall to this day:
"Hang this on your door, Princess,
Eye level, in the center.
It's a sure sign of things to come,
and a world you're bound to enter.
Whenever things look dark and blue
and going all wrong and bad,
Just take another long look at your star
and think of your old Grandad.
Who knew when you were two or three,
(oh what a little ham you were then)
that a star was in the making,
and would be ready when you said when.
So hang it on your door, Princess,
the door of your aims and your plans.
Never lose sight of the career you want,
It's right there in your beautiful hands."
I am a professional writer, but I can't find the words to express how much I miss him. He was the best person I've ever known.
Thanks for listening,
You can send email to Lynn at: [email protected]
anniversary date November 1996
date of post 08-28-97