Grieving for the Loss of Both Parents

Lisa Traylor

My mother died April 17,1996 and my father died May 9,1996. It has been a year but the pain, emptiness, sadness will not go away. My parents were older. My mom was 42 when she had me. You can say that I had taken care of them alot of my life. Both had heart attacks when I was in my teens. Both had numerous health problems, but were extremely independent and did not want any help if they could do it themselves.

My father was my hero. I had always been Daddy's little girl. Mom gave me strength and taught me to be independent. I loved them so much. My father had been in the hospital for 2 and a half months for a surgery that had gone bad. At the time, I was working full time to support my 8 mo. old baby as my husband left me. We lived an hour away, so I was making many trips to help mom with the bills, housework, errands, etc. Mom didn't drive and could only sign her name but she was able to take care of herself. On April 17,1996, her birthday which I had forgotton in all of the chaos and still can't forgive myself, a neighbor took her to the E.R. She died suddenly. I couldn't get to the E.R. in time. I had always told her I would hold her hand when she died.

My father was confused after the surgery, was in renal failure on hemodialysis and fluid would constantly build up around his heart. His legs were necrotic and infected and would need to be amputated. He was being fed by a tube and was in constant pain. Enough was enough, I wanted to take him home and let him die with some dignity. Sometimes medicine goes too far. I wouldn't have done this to a dog, let alone my beloved father. Pop had always told me, he never wanted to live like that. The doctors kept telling my mother that he was going to walk again and come home. I am an RN and I know better. I have seen it so much. Medicine is a business period. Most doctors are in it for the money. I took my father home May 7. When he came through the door, he said I'm glad I'm home and I love you honey. He died May 9, 1996 while I held his hand.

They are buried side by side. It is hard to visit their graves. I guess I just prefer to remember them as the kind, loving people that they were. Anniversaries are hard. It is just my son and I now. It is getting better but the pain of their loss will never go away.

Lisa Traylor

You can send email to Lisa at: [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date 04-17-96 & 05-09-96
date of post 07-24-97

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW