My Dad, My best friend

Lauren Hanser

I'm not exactly sure where to start but I guess it goes like this: I suddenly lost my father last April when I was seventeen. One weekend we were on a great family trip and then the next one we were planning my dad's funeral. It all happened so fast and I didn't understand it. My dad was probably my best friend. We were a lot alike and we always had a blast together. I was in Florida on vacation when he died. My grandparents had to tell me the news. I didn't feel as if I wanted to go on with my life anymore.

He was an amazing person. He worked so hard every day of the week, but always came home with a smile for us. We used to sit up almost every night until 2am just talking about life and how it was going for each of us. He was so understanding of everything and always willing to help out. The funeral was so difficult. I wanted to follow him out of the room. My uncle had to hold me back from following him wherever he was being taken during the funeral.

During the first week everyone was so great and understanding. But that started to fade. Everyone else when back to their normal lives, except of course for my mother, my brother, and I. My brother had to go back to college so it was just my mom and I. We didn't know what to do with ourselves. My grief came to light in this poem that I wrote. It was read at the service we had for the unveiling of his footstone in October.

Why did you go? Where have you gone?
Why did you leave behind-
all of the memories
of which new ones I shall never find.

You've left behind a life
fulfilled with laughter, joy and tears
a life that has touched so many hearts
throughout all of the years.

A father, a friend, a teacher,
you've been there in every way.
Your great presence in my life
is missed each and every day.

Yesterday is gone forever,
tomorrow will soon be here,
but life as I have always known it
does not seem very clear.

As teardrops fall from my eyes
and misery fills my heart,
they say "move on with your life"
but I don't know where to start.

My life has barely begun,
and I've taken such a fall.
Graduations, weddings, and births,
how come you will miss them all?

I know the day will come,
when my pain will not be so deep,
but I guess time must pass
before I take that giant leap.

And, as for you Dad,
you know you're forever in my heart,
so please help me realize
that it has come time to part.

I've known you for a moment,
I'll miss you for a lifetime.

This page is in memory of Barry E. Hanser (6/2/41-4/13/96)

Lauren Hanser

anniversary date 4/13/96
date of post 3-15-97

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW