I wanted to write you a letter and post it on this page, to help myself deal with the grief, and to help others understand that they are not alone.
All of my life, you were my friend, my playmate. I played horsey on your back, and I believed all of your pranks. You were always telling jokes, until the day that you died. I was happy about that. I fed you your last meal, and I am forever thankful for that memory. I knew you wouldn't live forever, but I did not think you would die so soon. You lived to be very old, 87, and you never acted a day over 50. Forever young. I hope to have your vitality and zest for life for all of mine. It has been so hard to try to be strong for Grandma, and to try to console her. I wish you had lived long enough to play with my kids. When I have children, they will only know stories I tell them of you, and that makes me sad. You were the BEST grandpa, and I love you dearly. We all decided after your funeral, that when it is Grandma's turn, we will not have her casket open. I wish I could take the picture from my head of how you looked in that casket. So cold and hard, no smile. That is the first time I saw you not smiling. You felt like a mannequin. Did you feel my kiss? I kissed you only moments after you died. I rubbed your hands, and we put pictures in the casket with you. I feel you with me sometimes, and I hope you know how much you were loved, and how much you are missed. Please be with Grandma, and help her with this. It has been almost four months, and I still cannot think of you without crying. I know you will be waiting on me in heaven, and that you are now watching over us all. I love you so much, and will miss you forever........:-) I will keep smiling, because that is how you would want it.
You can send email to Kristin at: [email protected]
anniversary date 11-16-97
date of post 03-09-98