I lost my dad to intestinal cancer on April 23, 1993. I loved my dad and still do. Some people ask me WHY?! and HOW?! could you have loved and STILL love your dad after what he did to you and your sisters? I tell them because Jesus put that love in my heart, and told me that He too knows what hurt is like and that there has to be forgiveness and love.
I wasn't going to go see my dad when he was on his deathbed at home. I didn't think I could handle it. I had never been able to be in the same room with him and feel comfortable, ever since I was 8 yrs. old. I was living in Tulsa at the time & he was in Florida. I managed to gather the courage to go back and see him before he died. I got there and it was only 2 hours before he slipped into a coma. He had told the Hospice nurse that he wanted to see me and wanted them to comb his hair & shave him. It was like he wasn't ready to go until he had seen me, the baby of the family. I walked in the room & immediately felt faint. I could hardly bear to look at his bones sticking through. I walked out and then regained my composure and went back in. I walked over and sat down beside his bed & held his hand and told him "Daddy I love You", then kissed him on the head...he smiled.
2 hours later he went into a coma. I had prayed that he had asked for forgiveness from the good Lord. I'm sure he did. Although I never heard the 2 words I had always yearned to hear, "I'm Sorry", I most assuredly felt it when I held his hand. When he took his last breath at 6:03 p.m., I suddenly felt all of my past childhood come rushing through me. I still grieve over the loss of my own childhood also. It was taken from me when I was 8. I also grieve over the loss of not having the family that I once thought I had before I was 8.
Thank you for listening,
You can send email to Kimmie at: [email protected]
anniversary date 04-23-93
date of post 08-13-98