Two Tragedies

Kathy Cole

My "baby brother Bobby" died June 16, 1996, on a sunny Sunday morning. I still hate Sundays. Bob was 29 (4 days before his 30th birthday), handsome, extremely funny, happily married to my good friend Lil, and 3 beautiful kids (4yrs, 2yrs, 2mos.). He died on Father's Day. I will always remember my husband (also Bob's best friend) coming to work, looking at me with strange eyes and saying "Bobby was in a motorcycle accident", and thinking "okay, let's go see him". A long second later, in a quiet voice, John said "he's dead". What followed was loud moaning, a strange sound I've never made before as John led me out of work. An old guy had pulled out to pass 3 cars and met Bob's bike with such force that the collision tore the helmet from his head, and he died instantly. I'll always wonder what he felt when past, present, and future became one. The senior who hit Bob never once contacted the family, and paid a $53.00 fine for 'improper passing', and continues to drive today.

I had another brother named Jeff (years ago), but we buried him last year, too, with Bob. Jeff was a Missing Person, after travelling to Florida in Jan.1981 and getting involved with a bible based cult. We last spoke to Jeff in May 1981. For 15 years, our family searched, and traveled, and posted posters, and added Jeff's name to numerous police forces, and wrote many letters to the States (we are Canadian). In August 1996, two months after Bob's death, my Mom dreamt "Mesa"...she got up in the morning and wrote a letter to the Mesa Medical Examiner (as she felt her son was dead). A month later, a positive ID was made on a John Doe body who committed a cult suicide July 22, 1981. We had Jeff cremated, and flown home, and buried him with Bobby on November 22, 1996. I feel Bobby told Mom to look in Mesa, as he had searched long and hard for his only brother in seems that in death, Bobby found Jeff. My sister and I remain now, watching our parents slide in and out of dark depressions...We miss Bobby and Jeff.

Kathy Cole

You can send email to Kathy at: [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date Bob: 06-16-96 Jeff: 07-22-81
date of post 08-10-97

[return to home page] [column] [book excerpts] [honor page] [discussions page]

Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW