We miss you, Scott


How do you begin to write about the end? Our world ended on August 27, 1996. That was the day our only child, Scott, age 16, hit a tree in his car and died. Just like that, he was gone. No warning, no chance to say good-bye, no last hug or I love you, just gone. He had his license for 3 weeks. His funeral was one month to the day from his 16th birthday.

Scott had been a "challenging" baby to say the least. But by the time he was 2 1/2 he was a wonderful kid. I can't tell you how many times I had said that I had "paid all my dues" in the first 2 1/2 years, after that living with Scott had been a constant joy. He was quick to smile and had a great sense of humor from the moment he started talking. Little did I know that I hadn't even begun to "pay my dues".

He was born in Pennsylvania where we lived until he was 13 and we moved to Tennessee. Within weeks he had made an army of friends and was living life as a teenager to the fullest. Scott had always played football, but after one year of playing in Tennessee he decided "they grow 'em too big down here" and decided to try wrestling. That was where he really came into his own. He worked hard and it paid off. He was Region One Runner up his freshman year and Champion his sophmore year. I remember what pride I felt when I would read about him in the local paper, "sophmore sensation Scott Fandetti". He had found a sport that he loved and that taught him so much about so many things, sportsmanship, dedication, discipline.

Intellectually I know he is dead and that I will never see him again in my lifetime. But emotionally I am hanging on so tightly that he will never really be gone. I will miss him forever and love him always. He was my son, my joy, and one of my best friends. Facing life without him is going to be a very hard battle for my husand and me. He had been the focus of our lives for 16 years and now there is nothing but a huge void. We were a family, now we are a just couple again.

We try to take comfort in the fact that we know Scott knew we loved him above all else. We were a close, affectionate family that often spoke of our love for each other out loud. He made me laugh everyday, always with a perfectly timed one liner, such a quick wit. His absence is so loud. Our house and our hearts are empty.

When he was a little boy I used to ask him, "How much do you love mommy and daddy?", and he'd say "All the way to the back" meaning that was as far apart as he could get his hands, all the way to his back. Well, Scott, I will always miss you all the way to the back.


You can send email to Kate at: [email protected]
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anniversary date 08-27-96
date of post 12-22-96

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW