Hi! My name is JoEllen and I am 27 yrs old. My husband and I were supposed to have our first child together on Feburary 10th 1997. Except on the night of September 4, 1996 things started to go wrong.

I was about 19 weeks along when my membranes had ruptured. I had went to bed early that night after having a long day. I had felt like I had a bladder full, so I got up and used the restroom. After I was finished I had crawled back to bed. No longer did I just get laid down on my back: I had the same urge again. That time I had sensed that there was something wrong. I had made my way out to the living room, where my husband was. As I started to tell him what was going on, I had to make a mad dash to the restroom again. My husband had called my Ob/Gyn at 10:45 pm. My doctor had told him to send me to the ER room. We had met my Doctor and found out that I had ruptured membrames. Being my first child I really didn't understand until he said "your water is leaking." That frightened me. All I could think about was I was going to loose this child.

I was admitted to the Hospital and was immediately put on an IV solution to help stop contractions, but I was not having any. My doctor had told me it was to help prevent from having them. I did not deliver and was able to go home two days later, but I was put on complete bedrest until I would deliver.

That following week I had an appointment with my OB/Gyn. He had told me that usually women deliver within 6 to 12 hours after rupturing their membranes. He had also told us about what could happen within the next weeks to come. First, I was to be on complete bedrest, with bathroom previlages. Second, I was to come back every two weeks for a checkup. Third, their was still the chance that our child would not make it, because of the loss of fluid. Because the fluid in the sack is what helps your child develope his/her lungs. Fourth, your child will not have a chance until at least 24 weeks along. Thats when their lungs start to develope. Fifth, when you make it to 24 weeks you will have to be admitted to the hospital until you deliver.

Well I had made it to 24 weeks. My husband had drove me to the hospital where I was going to be for awhile. It was a hard time for me, because we had lived an hour away and my husband had to continue to hold down a job and take care of his two kids. I was able to see my husband twice a week. Seeing him is what had given me hope, but I remember calling him in tears several times because I wanted to go home and I was tired of all that was happening to me. Of course my attitued would turn around when I would here our child's heartbeat, or feel him kick and move around inside. I would say to myself; "I'm doing this for you my child." I was given steroids twice a week to help our child develope his lungs faster. I prayed every time I had recieved that shot in hopes it would help. One month had gone by and everything seemed to look good. The doctors would say he's looking good, passing all the tests,and his heart rate is staying where it should be. After hearing all that I could not believe why I was here.

On November 19th, twenty-seven and a half weeks along I had started having contractions. I was put on magenisum to stop them, but the contractions were getting stronger. I had called my husband at work and told him that there was something wrong; can you please come and stay with me tonight. As the night went on so did the contractions. At about 3:00 am I was rushed into the Operating Room. My doctor had started some potocin to increase the contractions along. I was also amazed that he was not going to preform a c-section and let me try to deliver naturally. I was very scared that the doctors were going to have to do a c-section, I did not want one because if I was going to loose my child I did not want another scar.

On November 20th 1996, Our son Wyatt James was born. He weighed in at 3lbs 2.4oz and was 16 1/4 inches long. He had black hair and long thin fingers like his mom and a nose like his dad. Wyatt was very ill because his lungs were not fully developed and he had lost enough oxgyen that made him look blue. He was my son and helpless. To see him hooked up to all thoes machines just broke my heart. All I wanted to do was pick him up and hold him, to tell him everything was going to be all right. My husband and I had went to the hospital Chapel for awhile, and when we had returned we were told that Wyatt was not going to make it. My heart had just felt like someone had taken a knife to it. I had told the nurse that I wanted to hold him with no tubes. Wyatt was brought to me and his dad, where He went to heaven while being held by his loving mom.

On November 23, 1996 We had laid our son to rest. He is always missed and always loved, but always with us in spirit.


You can send email to JoEllen at: [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date 11-23-96
date of post 3-15-97

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW