Remembering Noah

Jill Magusiak

We were thrilled when we found out we were pregnant again. Everything was so planned. Little did we know that it would change our lives forever and we would be touched by an angel. Our son Jonathan was 14 months and we figured it was perfect timing since we always wanted our children close in age.

My pregnancy was going along just fine until about 31 weeks. I had started to feel something just wasn't right. I called the Dr. and told him I had been feeling a decrease in movement and just didn't feel right. I went to his office they checked the heartbeat and said everything was fine I was just being overly nervous and to calm down. I asked for a ultrasound and he told me it was not needed (our Dr. did not believe in u/s unless medically needed.) The following Monday was my normal appointment. Again I told him I felt something just wasn't right and asked for an u/s and again he told me to calm down. On Thursday morning I called the Drs. and told him I had not felt any movement for awhile. I went to his office and they could not find the heartbeat. They then sent me to the hospital for an u/s (a little too late.) My husband Henry met me there and they then confirmed that our sweet Noah had died. Labor was then induced for 12 1/2 hours. Finally at 11:49 a.m. on Friday July 19, 1996 at 32 weeks our perfect and beautiful Noah was born. He weighed 4 lbs. and 12 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. I am so thankful for the time we had with him.

We found out that there was a knot in the cord. Our Dr. told us that we would not have been able to see that with the u/s I requested and never got. I have since found out that you can see Cord accidents on an u/s. I feel as if the Dr. dismissed my fears. We put our trust in him and he let us down.

It has now been 8 1/2 months and we miss our Noah so much it hurts. Jonathan knows all about his brother and what a special part of our lives he is. We display pictures for all to see. We planted a tree in memory of Noah in our front yard. This morning we woke up and noticed the buds had blossomed. It gave us much peace to look at this and think of Noah. I can now think of my baby with comforting thoughts. We feel so lucky to have been blessed with him. We visit his gravesite often and Jonathan (now 2 1/2) will talk to his brother. It is so hard to realize that Jonathan will only know Noah through pictures and stories. We will keep his memory alive forever. I have to believe that Noah is in heaven dancing and singing with the angels watching over Henry, Jonathan and I. Noah, my sweet baby, I know you are with me today as you will be forever and ever. We love and miss you so much!

Jill Magusiak

You can send email to Jill at: [email protected]
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anniversary date 07-19-96
date of post 04-20-97

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW