Joshua Eugene Hedglin

Doc & Monika Hedglin

Joshua was born on Sept13,1978. the first time I saw Josh was on Oct.30 1978. I saw him briefly when his foster mother stopped by to pick up my foster daughter. I fell head over heals in love with that baby. We had been on waiting lists for seven years waiting to adopt. I prayed harder than I ever have in my life asking God Please give me the chance to be this baby's mother I promise I will be the best mother there ever was. On Dec. 4, 1978 that prayer was answered and Joshua became our son. He was only two � months old at the time.

Being Joshua's mom was the most fulfilling and happiest days of my life. We played together for hours on end and explored every inch of our world. Soon he was off to school and making his own friends in a blink he was a teenager and strongly independent. But still sweet kind and generous. He was very popular and loved to make people laugh there was never a dull moment raising Josh.

In 1996 he graduated high school and joined the Army. It didn't take long before he knew this was not what he wanted. He would call me and say Mom I hate the live fire exercises. I'm afraid someone will shoot me, some of these guys don't know what they're doing with these guns. On February 26,1997 he was honorably discharged from the army. Within a few weeks he had found a great job and had enrolled in college to become an art teacher . On March 16,1997 he stopped off at a "friends" house to introduce his new girl friend before bringing her home for dinner. At 5:35 the doorbell rang. We opened the door to a police officer. He didn't have to tell me my son was gone I already knew, You see at 4:00pm I became very cold and had a strange sense that something horrible was about to happen. this "friend was playing with a sixteen gage shotgun and after several kids ask him to stop pointing the gun at them he turned it on my son his girl pushed the gun away and ask him to stop, but he brought the gun right back and holding it inches from Josh's heart. Josh asked is that gun loaded? His response was "well lets find out" and with that he put the gun to his shoulder and pulled the trigger at that moment my world ended and a golden heart stopped beating.

We are just approaching the first anniversary and even though it has been almost a year I can't stop crying and my heart is still so numb I feel nothing for any one or anything except contempt for the ......who did this to my son. And total and complete frustration for a justice system that labels this kind of contemptible action as reckless horseplay. and only sends the juvenile to a detention center for three months. Releases this .... with no record, nothing that will ever follow him into life. not even a conscience since he has told people it doesn't bother him cause he just don't think about it.

It is so hard to live in a town where you have to run into this ....everywhere you go. I know that we will never heal but how we can ever go on with seeing him everyday? That is our biggest obstacle to overcome and that mountain is so high I can't even see the top.

Doc & Monika Hedglin

You can send email to Doc (49) & Monika (46) at: [email protected]
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anniversary date 03-16-97
date of post 03-02-98

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW