Unspoken Words


I hope this story makes sense to you and I''m not just rambling on. This is about my friend, boss, and mentor all in one. We met by chance....I don''t know why Gary was put into my life but he served a great purpose.He made me believe in my self and gave me the wisdom to achieve my goals. He hired me when no else would give me a chance..I was hired as a medical examiner for insurance companies, giving physcials for life insurance policies...there were many time that I drove Gary crazy. I would want to quit and didn''t think I was good enough for the job. Gary spent hours on the phone with me telling me how good I was and that he wasn't ready to let me quit. He was always there for me... to listen, to teach, to talk when i needed it. I wish I had told him how special he was to me, how much I had grown to love him and that I truley cared about him. Because he was my boss I felt I had to draw the line and not say things out loud, about how you feel because they could be misunderstood. People should understand that you can love someone in a special way without sexual contact. I know now that you should say the things you feel today because you don't always have tomorrow. On March 7, 1997 I was in a car accident and totaled my car, I suffered only minor injuries.

Gary called me 5 times that day to tell me how glad he was that I wasn't seriously injured, and to see if there was anything he could do for me. I thought that was so sweet of him to take the time for me when he was so busy.

I never told him that though. He called me at 6:30 p.m... again to tell me he was glad I was alright, and to see if the pain in my back had gotten worse. That was the last time I spoke to him, Gary passed away that night in his office... a gun shot to the heart....we don't know if it was an accident of suicide, they ruled it accidential but in my heart I'll never really know. I wasn''t ready to give Gary up yet. He was only 40 years old, why did this have to happen?...I have questions that go on in my head over and over again...Why was my life speared that day and Gary's not....does he know how much his kindness meant to me and that he touched my heart in a way that no one else ever has ....Why didn't I tell him what a wonderful person I thought he was??...I will never forget him or get over this tragedy!!!!

Gary, Your always in my thoughts, I feel your presence when things get tough on a case and I get through it...It's like your still with me...I love you.......diana


You can send email to Diana at: [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date 03-07-97
date of post 05-19-97

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW