He was a friend of mine....

Carrie Gedonius

For My Lost Soul on the 1st Anniversary of Your Death

Mark's eyes lit up the afternoon haze, as he strummed his guitar, and sang to me. The lazy crazy summer of 94. The summer that I could never forget. From the first time I ever laid eyes on him, I knew he was my soul mate. Mark and I knew each other inside and out. In fact, rarely did we ever speak auidibly. Just glances or gestures, or just even the look in our eyes would communicate volumes. That's how I knew he was lost. I wanted so much to save him. But I couldn't even save myself. Mark was the only person I could lean on; that I could trust with secrets long ago buried. We used to talk in the parking lot of Jewel, sipping on some bad coffee from the McDonald's nearby. We would sit in my car for hours and hours. Crying, laughing, screaming, whining, and mostly just holding onto each other for dear life. I wish that would have been enough.

but i wasn't.....it wasn't...

His funeral was beautiful. Beautiful flowers, music. He would have loved it. But what exactly is there to love about a funeral....especially when the person left...and was not taken.

I was not and am not mad/angry at Mark. I fully understand why he left us. I love him and no matter what happened, nothing in the universe could change that. Mark is my light. And the light still burns and keeps me going on. For him,,,,for me,,,,,for us.... On the 1st anniversary, I am not happy. The pain is still there. The knowledge of our love. The hope in my heart. The sweet music you still play for me. I will continue to take the bad and find some good...until I find you again...

"...we watched the river roll, I picked up my fiddle and began to play a reel,
we sang, "no matter how funny, it hurts so bad that I just can't feel,
I feel nothing, I feel nothing, drunk or sober"
I began to play a reel for I did not know what to say.
she sang, "you worry me so, i cannot stand to see you this way,
ohhh, danny don't you ever stop playing for me.
I know some times everything turns out so sad
ohhh, danny don't you ever stop playing for me.
well you always make me happy while whenever you play
ohhh, danny don't you ever stop playing for me
And I began to play a reel for I did not know what to say."
-the tossers
i miss you mark sooooo much

Carrie Gedonius

You can send email to Carrie at [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date
date of post 10-26-96

[return to home page] [column] [book excerpts] [honor page] [discussions page]

Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW