Wonderful Life

Andrew Bonatakis

My nickname has been Bonney for almost 60 years. I am 80 years old, was married on March 3, 1942 and my wife passed away on Jan.3, 1993. I can still feel the grief of losing her. Time does not heal all wounds, but as it passes one learns how to live alone and live a normal life.

I was a zombie for almost 3 years. I did not seek counseling as I felt I could handle it myself. I could not find any letters from senior citizens who have lost their loving spouses. Perhaps, because of age and maturity, we are better able to handle a loss in our lives without seeking help, or perhaps we are just too ornery to ask for help. Whatever the reason, we manage to survive, to cook, to eat properly, keep a clean house and a clean body. We also learn not to take a doctor's advice as gospel. I do take my prescribed medications daily and do not take any drug store health products unless recommended by a doctor. I still manage to shovel snow and operate a 9 HP snow thrower within reason. I pay no attention to diets, alleged healthy foods, nor do I refrain from eating whatever pleases me. Since I manage sleep every night, from midnight to 8 AM and my cholesterol is okay (180) along with my blood pressure (130/80) I feel I must be doing something right.

Yes, I still talk to my wife and enjoy it. No long conversations, just a sentence or two to let her know I'm still there. I am not religious and do not find that immoral. What I am trying to say is to " Seize the moment" and "Stand on your own two feet". Do now wait and expect sympathy from your family, friends and neighbors. Learn to overcome your grief, to start living a normal life. Find a new interest similar to my discovery of the internet, which was relatively unknown at the time my wife was with me. I really did not need a PC, so I purchased a Web TV and went on line. Now I send and receive e-mail from by two daughters and many of my six grandchildren and from the oldest (16) of my five great-grandchildren, most of whom live in other states. I live in central New Hampshire near the mountains that my wife loved to climb. Above all, keep a sense of humor. After all, in my house all the toilet seats are down even though I live alone. I do not want to be reminded to put the seat down!

Letters are welcome.

P.S. I heartily recommend WebTV for all senior citizens. A great morale builder that will keep you in touch. All you need along with your webtv is a recliner, a 27" TV and a wireless keyboard for typing your words of wisdom. Need I say more?


You can send email to Bonney at: [email protected]
mail welcome

anniversary date 01-03-93
date of post 01-07-99

[return to home page] [column] [book excerpts] [honor page] [discussions page]

Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW