It will be five years tomorrow that my father left this world. I was 19 at the time. My parents were divorced and my mother was institutionalized at that time, so I was left to deal with the loss of my only parent on my own. My siblings were all older than me, and were dealing in their own ways with their loss. Each had a significant other to turn to. My father had been the only one to turn to for me for so many years, now that he was gone, I felt I had no one to take away my pain.
I spent the first two years going through the motions and trying to learn how to live on my own and handle all of the responsibilities life handed me at an age where most people only have to worry about school. I quit college and had to take on a full time job to support myself. I was so unhappy, feeling all alone and missing my dad.
The next two years were rebuilding times for me. I was able to keep on going each and every day. Life got easier to face, but still my heart had a hole in it where I used to have my father's love. Days would be livable, nights and holidays were still filled with sadness. I sought out counseling, and got into a group for loss. This helped tremendously to find others who had suffered similar loss. That is when things began to get easier. It makes a difference when someone has been through what you have when it comes to loss of a loved one. I was lucky to stumble upon this.
What has helped me recover from losing my father? The proper counselor, which I recently found has made a huge difference. Also, I would say time has helped. Each and every day I wake up I feel lucky to have known him for the years that I did. He was a great man and a loving father. I have memories, and I have all the things he instilled in me left inside my heart. He taught me to love and forgive, and to care for all people. That has never been forgotten. Tomorrow it will be five years since the day he died. All the time in between now and then was spent wishing he were still here. When all I have to do is think of the love I hold in my heart for all the people in my life, that is what he taught me, that is where he remains as well.
I am glad to have the opportunity to share my story. If it helps just one person who feels as though they are all alone, and will never feel happy or alive again...I am living proof that it just takes time and everyone recovers at their own pace. If you have anyone you can turn to in your life, open your heart up to that person, finding a loved one to trust and to allow into my life and into my pain of loss has made all the difference to me.
You can send email to Ally at: No Mail Please
anniversary date 04-26-93
date of post 04-25-98