Loss of My Angel

Jennifer Mackey

We had barely begun to prepare for our babies arrival. We were so excited to be given this gift of life. I had only been feeling my baby kick inside of me for about a month. My husband had only felt her three times. I was just getting to know what things she liked. She liked rocking in the chair. We rocked out to Cheryl Crow live on the radio with Woodstock, she danced inside of me.

Things changed slightly. I began to feel tired and depressed. I started to lose my appetite. Then I had cramping. Things then quickly changed. I began to bleed and went to the hospital. I was only 23 1/2 weeks along. I could not have this baby yet. I was air lifted to the best hospital in the city. Yet, my contractions continued in spite of the multitude of drugs being pumped into me. I was barely receiving any medication for the pain. Tests were done and the results all pointed to an infection in our baby. She was just shy of having a real chance. We had no choice, God's plan was not as she had wanted it to be and so divine intervention began. When my fever spiked to 105 it was time. I was just beginning to receive the pre fluids for an epidermal when I was checked and found to be ready. She was breech and due to her having no real chance we would not do a cessation. I delivered our angel naturally and was told any way she came was okay. Doctors looked at her and shook their heads. She would be spared the pain of incubators and tubes. She was to be in her daddie's arms for her short life.

My husband held her on my shoulder and I kissed her tiny head. I stroked her soft cheek and felt her silky hair. She lived as long as she could, an hour and 45 minutes. We named our little angel Margaret Mackey. My husband's short time with her more than equaled in quality the time I had her in me. She gave to us all that she was able to. We never got to look into her beautiful little eyes. She barely moved, but she was with us. I believe she felt no pain, just the love we gave her. The morning after her life I awoke to a single dove cooing loudly directly across from me on my windowsill. She is at peace, MY Maggie.


Jennifer Mackey

You can email Jennifer Mackey : [email protected]
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anniversary date 07-29-99
date of post 08-02-99


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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW