Savvas was my first real boyfriend. He died on March 6th, 2 days before our
one year anniversary. It's been little more than 3 months since he left
and I still have trouble dealing with the fact that my life has truly
changed and he's no longer around.

Sav died of a brain haemorrhage caused by an anurism in his brain.
Haemorrhages THAT critical are unusual for somebody so young (17) and I was
told his anurism had been developing for some time now, undetected. I'm
angry for the hospital we had him checked into 5 days before he collapsed,
for not following their suspicions on his ct scans. I feel angry that he
could still be living if they had done something about it. I feel angry and
hurt that he left me. So very early.

The year we had together was enjoyable and lead me to inner peace and
happiness. We were the couple at school who loved to hang out together any
time, all the time. We won an award last year called "the glue stick award"-
because we were "always stuck together." We loved being together just the
two of us. He was my best friend, my brother, my father, my boyfriend, and
lover all in one person. He gave me the gift of love, when I had lost all
hope in finding a TRUE friend. He was Savvas and I knew that if I ever lost
this guy, a part of my life would be empty. Now that he's gone, my life has
been like shadow...of something that once was.

I could never trust somebody before Savvas. And when I learnt to trust him,
he made me believe that everything would be alright, that he would NEVER
leave me. But he has. And it's something that I have to come to terms with.
It's something I have trouble understanding.

I love Savvas Tsipas, and one day, I hope that I can join him again, up
there in heaven.

An excerpt from the song One Sweet Day (a capella) that reflects perfectly
the way I feel

I won't be afraid
I'll be alright if you help me
I know you're looking down from heaven

And I won't let you down
I'll be everything you taught me
And all that I know is I'll wait
Patiently to see you in heaven



You can email: Jennifer [email protected]
mail welcome

date of post 06-12-99


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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW