Losing My Mother to Cancer

Karen J. Smith

My Mother was a wonderfully spiritual person. Losing her at the age of 61 to a five year bout with cancer has been extremely hard to accept.

When I think of her I think of her smile and how the spirit of goodness and grace radiated from her. I know that this goodness and grace still radiates in eternity. She never really gave herself enough credit for how strong she was. But, she was one of the strongest women I've ever met. She faced her cancer with such courage and spirituality that it brings me strength when I think of it.

Now that she is gone, I miss her incredibly. Somehow, these five years of grieving have prepared me for the pain, but not for the emptiness of her physical loss. I was with her when she died and I know that she is at peace, in heaven watching over me now. However, not being able to reach out and touch her, to call her, to see her face is really devastating. Shortly after she died I cried myself to sleep one night thinking of how badly I wished I could see her again. That night she came to me in a dream. She said "I knew you needed me so I came to you". I felt much better but I still miss her terribly.

I think the hardest part about losing someone is letting go of the physical presence of that person. You do not really understand what they mean to you until they are gone. You don't know what it is like on your birthday to not get the happy birthday call until they cannot call.

I believe however, that if we listen, really listen, we will "hear" them in our own way. I believe that they are still with us spiritually and in each other we can see their likeness and life force. I love you Mom and miss your smile.

Karen J. Smith

No email address available
Anniversary date - 11-23-99
Date of post - 2-20-00

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