It has been a month, today, since my mother passed away.
My mother and I were so close, that you could say that we were best friends. She suffered alot of mental anguishment earlier in her time, but managed to help herself by seeking counseling, and ever since my third and fourth children were born, she didn't think about a thing, except for the two little one. Ryan will be 10 in August, Tara is 7 1/2, Haley is 2 and Dustin is 14 months. My oldest sister has 4 kids, and my other older sister has 2 kids. She loved her grandchildren so much, it was unreal! Haley, my third child, is my Mom's identical twin. She calls my Mom 'Gummi'.. She still asks about her as if she's right here. She cries her name at least once or twice a day. Those two were the closest of all the grandkids. My Mom would come to the house about everyday, and whenever she couldn't come over to see the kids, she would call about 4 or 5 times a day, just to ask about them and to listen to them talk. My Mom was the only grandparent these kids really had, because my husband's mother died when he was 13, and his Dad just doesn't care, and my real Dad died when I was a year old. So, that left my Mom as the only one they had, beside their Daddy and I. I can still hear my Mom telling me that she wanted to take Haley home with her and raise her, because she wanted her all to herself, because that's how much she loved her. These kids were the only thing that kept my Mom going in life. She sacrificed alot for them, and devoted all of her time, planning and thinking to these babies. They couldn't have had a better grandma!
I talked to my Mom on the 6th of June, in the morning, and at night, around 10pm. She sounded as if she were totally out of it. She had been getting transdermal fentanyl patches from her boyfriend, Raymond, for like a week and half straight. He gave her a 50mg patch, which is totally unsafe to start someone out on that high of a dose, then gave her another one three days after that, then gave her another one when I talked to her last, which was on the 6th of June, 2002. She tried to call me again, that same night around 11:38pm, but I was almost asleep and didn't answer, because I figured that I would just talk to her the next day. So, Friday night went by, then Saturday night, no phone call, then Sunday morning I was going to call her and go see her. As I was getting ready to leave, I got a phone call from my sister telling me that Raymond had found her dead in her apartment, after approximately 2 days. I thought she was just joking, as my Mom pulled a prank on her ex-boyfriend once, saying that she was dead. It took alot of convincing for me to believe her. I went down to the funeral home so that we could see my Mom one more time, before they embolmed her, and the funeral director had escorted us to the kitchen type room, and as I was going around the corner to enter the embolming room, I had seen her beautiful long black hair, and I ran back into the other room and grabbed my husband and started to cry. I couldn't see her if I tried. But, I took a deep breath and went in there anyway. My Mom was lying on the table, naked, with white sheets covering her body, and her nose had a little scuff mark on it, but I still 'til this day have no idea why. My sister and I certainly believe that it's because of the patches that she had taken. We went into her apartment the day of her services, and found a 75mg patch in her garbage, which looked as if someone had taken it off of her when she was deceased. (Raymond, her boyfriend, the one her found her). there are messages on her answering machine, from Raymond , drunker than hell, and about twenty more messages from him, supposedly concerned about her. He knew that she wasn't breathing well, as a result of the medicine from the patch, so you'd think that he'd know something was wrong the very next day of not hearing from her.(They talked everyday on the phone, for 12 or 13 years.) This guy is very metanlly ill, and also had taken out life insurance policies on my mother, previously, forgeing her name on them, and my mother caught him. I called the sheriff's dept. and the coroner's office with all of this evidence that I found, which they failed to look for, and they laughed at me, and said,"oh, it was natural causes." How the hell can they say natural causes, when there wasn't anything even wrong with her to begin with??? Raymond was there when the Emergency Squad got there, and the Sheriff Deputy, and he must have told them that she had a bad heart and Lung Disease, because he was the first one that they talked to, so they much have taken his word for it. Anyway, the toxicology report came back negative for basic drugs, but they didn't test for Fentanyl, which my sister and I are in the process of ordering. Lucky us, there are still two and a half viles of her blood left to do this additional testing. If it comes back positive, than her Raymond could be facing a manslaughter charge.
I feel as if I've been cheated, as if everything must have been to good to be true with the kids having the best grandma they could ask for, and that I've lost the biggest part of my life! She still had plans to do things with the kids, and for herself. I feel so empty, alone, (she's the only one who understood me and the kids), I feel as if it is a never ending nightmare, and that my life will never be the same without her in it. This is the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me and the kids, and I don't know how I'm going to handle her not walking up on my porch, yelling, "Where's Gramma's angels??", "Where's my babies?" and the last thing that she said to me was, "I can't wait to come see my babies. I miss them so much." She hadn't seem them in almost over a week at that time. She only lived right down the road from us. It tears my heart out, to hear Haley ask, "Where's Gummi at, Mommy? She's MY Gummi!" The worst part about it, is that I still have some things of her's here, that she left, the last time I had seen her alive. I feel so terrible. She didn't want to die, and I know that she misses these little ones, so much, that I can feel her pain right now. I can't even imagine what happened the day she died. Did she suffer? Was she scared? Did she try to call me?
Thank you so much for letting me share, and God Bless!
It has been a month, today, since my mother passed away.
My mother and I were so close, that you could say that we were best friends. She suffered alot of mental anguishment earlier in her time, but managed to help herself by seeking counseling, and ever since my third and fourth children were born, she didn't think about a thing, except for the two little one. Ryan will be 10 in August, Tara is 7 1/2, Haley is 2 and Dustin is 14 months. My oldest sister has 4 kids, and my other older sister has 2 kids. She loved her grandchildren so much, it was unreal! Haley, my third child, is my Mom's identical twin. She calls my Mom 'Gummi'.. She still asks about her as if she's right here. She cries her name at least once or twice a day. Those two were the closest of all the grandkids. My Mom would come to the house about everyday, and whenever she couldn't come over to see the kids, she would call about 4 or 5 times a day, just to ask about them and to listen to them talk. My Mom was the only grandparent these kids really had, because my husband's mother died when he was 13, and his Dad just doesn't care, and my real Dad died when I was a year old. So, that left my Mom as the only one they had, beside their Daddy and I. I can still hear my Mom telling me that she wanted to take Haley home with her and raise her, because she wanted her all to herself, because that's how much she loved her. These kids were the only thing that kept my Mom going in life. She sacrificed alot for them, and devoted all of her time, planning and thinking to these babies. They couldn't have had a better grandma!
I talked to my Mom on the 6th of June, in the morning, and at night, around 10pm. She sounded as if she were totally out of it. She had been getting transdermal fentanyl patches from her boyfriend, Raymond, for like a week and half straight. He gave her a 50mg patch, which is totally unsafe to start someone out on that high of a dose, then gave her another one three days after that, then gave her another one when I talked to her last, which was on the 6th of June, 2002. She tried to call me again, that same night around 11:38pm, but I was almost asleep and didn't answer, because I figured that I would just talk to her the next day. So, Friday night went by, then Saturday night, no phone call, then Sunday morning I was going to call her and go see her. As I was getting ready to leave, I got a phone call from my sister telling me that Raymond had found her dead in her apartment, after approximately 2 days. I thought she was just joking, as my Mom pulled a prank on her ex-boyfriend once, saying that she was dead. It took alot of convincing for me to believe her. I went down to the funeral home so that we could see my Mom one more time, before they embolmed her, and the funeral director had escorted us to the kitchen type room, and as I was going around the corner to enter the embolming room, I had seen her beautiful long black hair, and I ran back into the other room and grabbed my husband and started to cry. I couldn't see her if I tried. But, I took a deep breath and went in there anyway. My Mom was lying on the table, naked, with white sheets covering her body, and her nose had a little scuff mark on it, but I still 'til this day have no idea why. My sister and I certainly believe that it's because of the patches that she had taken. We went into her apartment the day of her services, and found a 75mg patch in her garbage, which looked as if someone had taken it off of her when she was deceased. (Raymond, her boyfriend, the one her found her). there are messages on her answering maching, from Raymond , drunker than hell, and about twenty more messages from him, supposedly concerned about her. He knew that she wasn't breathing well, as a result of the medicine from the patch, so you'd think that he'd know something was wrong the very next day of not hearing from her.(They talked everyday on the phone, for 12 or 13 years.) This guy is very metanlly ill, and also had taken out life insurance policies on my mother, previously, forgeing her name on them, and my mother caught him. I called the sheriff's dept. and the coroner's office with all of this evidence that I found, which they failed to look for, and they laughed at me, and said,"oh, it was natural causes." How the hell can they say natural causes, when there wasn't anything even wrong with her to begin with??? Raymond was there when the Emergency Squad got there, and the Sheriff Deputy, and he must have told them that she had a bad heart and Lung Disease, because he was the first one that they talked to, so they much have taken his word for it. Anyway, the toxicology report came back negative for basic drugs, but they didn't test for Fentanyl, which my sister and I are in the process of ordering. Lucky us, there are still two and a half viles of her blood left to do this additional testing. If it comes back positive, than her Raymond could be facing a manslaughter charge.
I feel as if I've been cheated, as if everything must have been to good to be true with the kids having the best grandma they could ask for, and that I've lost the biggest part of my life! She still had plans to do things with the kids, and for herself. I feel so empty, alone, (she's the only one who understood me and the kids), I feel as if it is a never ending nightmare, and that my life will never be the same without her in it. This is the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me and the kids, and I don't know how I'm going to handle her not walking up on my porch, yelling,"Where's Gramma's angels??" "Where's my babies?" and the last thing that she said to me was,"I can't wait to come see my babies. I miss them so much." She hadn't seem them in almost over a week at that time. She only lived right down the road from us. It tears my heart out, to hear Haley ask,"Where's Gummi at, Mommy? She's MY Gummi!" The worst part about it, is that I still have some things of her's here, that she left, the last time I had seen her alive. I feel so terrible. She didn't want to die, and I know that she misses these little ones, so much, that I can feel her pain right now. I can't even imagine what happened the day she died. Did she suffer? Was she scared? Did she try to call me?
Thank you so much for letting me share, and God Bless!
It has been a month, today, since my mother passed away.
My mother and I were so close, that you could say that we were best friends. She suffered alot of mental anguishment earlier in her time, but managed to help herself by seeking counseling, and ever since my third and fourth children were born, she didn't think about a thing, except for the two little one. Ryan will be 10 in August, Tara is 7 1/2, Haley is 2 and Dustin is 14 months. My oldest sister has 4 kids, and my other older sister has 2 kids. She loved her grandchildren so much, it was unreal! Haley, my third child, is my Mom's identical twin. She calls my Mom 'Gummi'.. She still asks about her as if she's right here. She cries her name at least once or twice a day. Those two were the closest of all the grandkids. My Mom would come to the house about everyday, and whenever she couldn't come over to see the kids, she would call about 4 or 5 times a day, just to ask about them and to listen to them talk. My Mom was the only grandparent these kids really had, because my husband's mother died when he was 13, and his Dad just doesn't care, and my real Dad died when I was a year old. So, that left my Mom as the only one they had, beside their Daddy and I. I can still hear my Mom telling me that she wanted to take Haley home with her and raise her, because she wanted her all to herself, because that's how much she loved her. These kids were the only thing that kept my Mom going in life. She sacrificed alot for them, and devoted all of her time, planning and thinking to these babies. They couldn't have had a better grandma!
I talked to my Mom on the 6th of June, in the morning, and at night, around 10pm. She sounded as if she were totally out of it. She had been getting transdermal fentanyl patches from her boyfriend, Raymond, for like a week and half straight. He gave her a 50mg patch, which is totally unsafe to start someone out on that high of a dose, then gave her another one three days after that, then gave her another one when I talked to her last, which was on the 6th of June, 2002. She tried to call me again, that same night around 11:38pm, but I was almost asleep and didn't answer, because I figured that I would just talk to her the next day. So, Friday night went by, then Saturday night, no phone call, then Sunday morning I was going to call her and go see her. As I was getting ready to leave, I got a phone call from my sister telling me that Raymond had found her dead in her apartment, after approximately 2 days. I thought she was just joking, as my Mom pulled a prank on her ex-boyfriend once, saying that she was dead. It took alot of convincing for me to believe her. I went down to the funeral home so that we could see my Mom one more time, before they embolmed her, and the funeral director had escorted us to the kitchen type room, and as I was going around the corner to enter the embolming room, I had seen her beautiful long black hair, and I ran back into the other room and grabbed my husband and started to cry. I couldn't see her if I tried. But, I took a deep breath and went in there anyway. My Mom was lying on the table, naked, with white sheets covering her body, and her nose had a little scuff mark on it, but I still 'til this day have no idea why. My sister and I certainly believe that it's because of the patches that she had taken. We went into her apartment the day of her services, and found a 75mg patch in her garbage, which looked as if someone had taken it off of her when she was deceased. (Raymond, her boyfriend, the one her found her). there are messages on her answering maching, from Raymond , drunker than hell, and about twenty more messages from him, supposedly concerned about her. He knew that she wasn't breathing well, as a result of the medicine from the patch, so you'd think that he'd know something was wrong the very next day of not hearing from her.(They talked everyday on the phone, for 12 or 13 years.) This guy is very metanlly ill, and also had taken out life insurance policies on my mother, previously, forgeing her name on them, and my mother caught him. I called the sheriff's dept. and the coroner's office with all of this evidence that I found, which they failed to look for, and they laughed at me, and said,"oh, it was natural causes." How the hell can they say natural causes, when there wasn't anything even wrong with her to begin with??? Raymond was there when the Emergency Squad got there, and the Sheriff Deputy, and he must have told them that she had a bad heart and Lung Disease, because he was the first one that they talked to, so they much have taken his word for it. Anyway, the toxicology report came back negative for basic drugs, but they didn't test for Fentanyl, which my sister and I are in the process of ordering. Lucky us, there are still two and a half viles of her blood left to do this additional testing. If it comes back positive, than her Raymond could be facing a manslaughter charge.
I feel as if I've been cheated, as if everything must have been to good to be true with the kids having the best grandma they could ask for, and that I've lost the biggest part of my life! She still had plans to do things with the kids, and for herself. I feel so empty, alone, (she's the only one who understood me and the kids), I feel as if it is a never ending nightmare, and that my life will never be the same without her in it. This is the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me and the kids, and I don't know how I'm going to handle her not walking up on my porch, yelling,"Where's Gramma's angels??" "Where's my babies?" and the last thing that she said to me was,"I can't wait to come see my babies. I miss them so much." She hadn't seem them in almost over a week at that time. She only lived right down the road from us. It tears my heart out, to hear Haley ask,"Where's Gummi at, Mommy? She's MY Gummi!" The worst part about it, is that I still have some things of her's here, that she left, the last time I had seen her alive. I feel so terrible. She didn't want to die, and I know that she misses these little ones, so much, that I can feel her pain right now. I can't even imagine what happened the day she died. Did she suffer? Was she scared? Did she try to call me?
Thank you so much for letting me share, and God Bless!
Allysun
