I am 39 years old, a stepmother of a 21 yr old daughter, a 14 yr old son and mother to my almost 3 yr old daughter. I am a widow. My husband, Marty, was 46 yrs old when he suddenly died on May 12, 2001. He was diagnosed with lung cancer on January 2, 2001. Four and a half months later he died on our deck in my arms. So many things go through my head, sometimes, many times, I can't voice them or even think them through clearly. He is a lover of the outdoors--"Nature". He always said when it was his time to go, he wanted it to be like being hit by a truck...that was exactly how it was. One moment I took our daughter up to bed and to take a bath and the next he called me downstairs with blood coming from his mouth and nose. Forty two minutes later I was separated from him and a year later I am still without him. I say this is the most UNBEARABLE feeling I have ever experienced. I have gone through my 365 days crying, laughing, desparingly, joyful, lonely...for my Mart. My mother cannot hug this pain away as much as she desparately would like to. I do have a few refuges; my Lord, my families and the wonderful memories my husband has given to me. I would come to toally pull from these. They are my hope for my well being and my family's well being. Prayer gets me through the nights when I cannot sleep and it's 3am. God's comfort is my only relief. No one else has been able to hug my soul to comfort.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It is also the anniversary of Mart's leaving this earth. What will the day bring? I'll wait to see as I do each and every day!
Oh, Mart, how I do Love You!