First I guess that I should introduce myself, where else to start? My name is Kristian and I am 17 years old. My mommy died just eight days ago, Easter Sunday (March 31, 2002). I don't know really where to start. First of all let me clarify that the full effect has not hit me yet, as this is still very unreal. Lets go back a few years.
When my mom was 20 she became very ill. Without going into all of the horrifying details I'll just skip to the analysis... The doctors told her that she wouldn't live past 30 and that she would never be able to have kids. Mom was the type of person that had to live to the fullest. In 1984 she became pregnant for me the first "miracle" child. I was born three months premature almost killing my mother during pregnancy. Thankfully, I was ok and she survived. In '85 the second child came along, my sister Gabrielle. Everything appeared to be fine and this pregnancy went smoother, but again very very dangerous to my mother. In '88 my little brother was born. The best pregnancy of all and healthy as could be. It was only two years later that hell broke loose. In 1990 doctors learned that my sister had a very rare disease. I can't spell it so I wont, but what it does is it shrinks the main artries in your body to very small and cuts off the blood. The survival rate for her variation was 0%. Why in every 10,000,000 people do we have such a defect i'll never know, but it was one that we had to deal with. My sister over the next two years was a guiny pig for the doctors. She was on insane amounts of untested medication and wasn't well at all, always in the risk of dying. (at this point she had already died once and was brought back). That year the doctors at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto told my parents that she was going to die but they could attempt a surgery that wasn't attempted before. They agreed and they attepmted the surgery. The main part of the surgery went flawlessly and the doctors were amazed with what they had done. They closed my sister up. Then it started, the massive internal bleeding. They spent hours trying to stop it. Then they gave up.... my mother wouldn't let them and let me just say that there wasn't a person in Toronto that day that couldn't hear my mother. My sister died on the operating table... Then, miraculously she came back. She survived. This six year old child told of meeting a man in a very bright place and him saying that her mother needed her more then she did so she was going to go back and that she couldn't go in his house. Isn't that just heart stopping? Well, we've been in and out of hospitals with Gabrielle since then a lot, but that's to be expected. During all of this myself and my little brother Kyle were shifted from relative to relative expected to survive. Mom and Dad gone for as much as 3 months at a time and being home for as little as a week before leaving again to go back to Gabrielle in the hospitals. Now let me move on to the year 2001. Big jump I know but I don't want to take all day. Even with the incredibly bad medical history of my family I had yet to loose someone close to me besides one secondcousin. That's amazing. Anyway, in June of 2001 a long time friend who had lived just down the street from me since I lived here commited sucuide. I took this pretty hard, it was the first person that I knew well that had left my life in that fashion. At this point in time my grandparrents (grandpa 80, nan 83, grandma 77) were all very sick. Grandpa learned that he had stomach cancer. This is a very painful type of cancer. It was growing over the opening in his stomach and he becan to stave to death. He went in for an operation and cleared a hole so that he could eat but he began to waste away as the time went on. My nan at this point just took a stroke and she was blind in one eye and half blind in the other. She's not that happy now. Grandma is putting her in the grave trying to please her husband of more then 50 years. Grasping all this? Ok. My mother took a major heart attack early december. She stayed in the hospital for a week and a half before she managaed to get herself out. A week later she surffered another major heart attack which sent her back to the hospital till two days before christmas. She was strong, this was amazing that she lived through this... and even through this she managed to do everything she had done for 18 years. She cleaned, cooked and was my mother, best friend and a wife. Old christmas day 2002, thats January 6, 2002 for those of you who don't know... my grandfather passed away. My first relative that I spent lots of time with to pass away. Devistated. All of us were. I had spent a lot of time with him when my sister was really sick because I stayed there a lot. My mother was very sick at this point. She loved her father very much and they were extrememly close. It was the hardest moment in my life to that point... seeing my mother like she was, was very hard. Mom never slowed down a bit, she wasn't allowed to drive but she got me to bring her everywhere... she wouldn't stay put, she always said that its not living if your not living.... she always had to be doing something for us (the kids) and her husband... it was rarly about her. March 29, 2002 was a rough day for my mother, she used a lot of her Nitro (this helps you breath). She tried her best to hide this from all of us because she wanted our Easter to be happy. That day we went grocery shopping. She left her nitro home and went we got to the store she was very sick. She tried to tuff it out but she couldn't, I rushed her to Shoppers Drug Mart and she made it to the pharmacy counter where she got another nitro bottle and used it. This was the first time that I had seen my mother in pain, like serious pain. (I was there for the first heart attack). It wasn't proven but I believe that she had another heart attack that day when we were out. She told me not to tell dad or anyone because it would worry them. So, I didn't. What good would it do? A couple months previous we had thought that she was dying and she wouldn't go to the hospital or let dad call an ambulance, why would she now? Saturday came, and she attempted to appear ok. She WAXED THE FLOORS! She did all her usuals and more. That night I was up till 2:30 cleaning the house so that she wouldn't. She was hiding Easter eggs and setting out our Easteraster stuff (the other kids in bed of couse). She was in her finest hour, it was what she loved to do the most. She was very happy. I finished up and said my usual goodnights, told her that I loved her and went to bed. That night she went to bed around 3:30 and passed away in her sleep. We all awoke late sunday morning (this was very unusual) and attempted to wake out mother. She was a pale blue, we were frightened because she wouldn't move. Dad, sleeping beside her, woke up and asked us to leave. Gabrielle and Kyle went to my room to seek comfort. Dad called the paramedics. They arrived and tried to revive her. They broke the news around 10:30 that morning. The rest is history... we went to nans and the usual took place. So, I sit here seven o'clock after spending another night fully awake just over a week later, still in total shock. Still unable to accept this. I loved my mother more then anything. Every day I'd come home from school and I'd talk to her at the kitchen table till 6 or later. If she was lying down i'd wake her up and sit by the bed and talk to her till supper. She was my best friend. My mother. She was the only thing I lived for. Now shes gone, which seems too sick to even believe. What did I do to deserve this I wonder? What? And why? Soon people will stop talking about her, stop sending letters and I will be alone in my thoughts... only myself, my father and my little brother join in my misery, my sister is a cold fish... we think it's due to all the years of doctors picking at her.... Its the start of a new day, I didn't end the last one, I've been up all night again. And that's my sob story. The End
Kristian
