I'm a 21 year old student who lost my best friend and mother to breast cancer five months ago. She was the most important person in my life. I took care of her at home and she died in my arms. Her struggle with cancer lasted 1.5 years, but she was lucky because she was only really sick for the last two months of her life.
I feel alone and angry that she left me, at time I just want to scream because she had no right to leave me. She knew that she was the only person in my life that I could really talk to and she would judge me. I need her here to help me deal with loosing her, man that sounds stupid, but it's the truth. She always help me through the rough times and this is one rough time she can't help me with.
Everyone tell me how strong I am for keeping her at home and caring for her almost by myself, but I don't feel strong, I feel so weak and hurt. I don't want to be strong anymore, but I have no choice because I have no one to take care of me if I'm not the strong one.
Sometimes I think why me? Why do I have to go through this and why doesn't anyone understand what is going on inside me? I may look ok on the outside but inside I'm so confussed and scared I don't know what to do.
My mother was my rock and I need advise or just words of encouragement from anyone who is willing to give it. Hope to hear from you.