Important Losses


I recently lost my Mother. Her name was Elisa Lyon. She suffered terribly from lung cancer. I miss her everyday. She was in the Hospice program at Calvary Hospital in the Bronx. She went into the hospital on September 30, 2001. My Mother had many battles in her life and now she is finally at peace. My Mother was 73 years old. She was born in Newark New Jersey on December 10, 1928. She lived in Harlem New York until she was in her early 30's. We then moved to Westchester County and then to the Bronx. She lived the last years of her senior adult life in the Pelham Parkway section of the Bronx. My Mom's favorite saying was "Meanwhile back at the ranch" and "I don't believe this." She was amazed when I told her about all of the things that were on the Internet.

If there was anything else I could say to my Mother is that I wish for half of the strength you had Mom. You dealt with so many things in your life that weren't pleasant. You raised four children on your own. Not by choice, but by choice of men. You weren't dealt a good hand in life and now I understand more than ever why you acted the way you did. My Mom had a brain tumor at the age of 35 and she was left alone with no support to raise four children. I know now that a child needs the structure of both parents, providing that each parent work together toward a similar goal in the upbringing of the children and the shared responsibility of running a household. My Mom didn't have that.

I also recently lost my former spouse on 9/11. He was a NYC Fireman. His name was Peter A. Bielfeld. Peter was 44 years old. He was born in Munich Germany on April 21, 1957. He loved football and he was a member of AA for 16 years. He had just celebrated his 16th anniversary on August 7, 2001. I miss him terribly and I wish he could take me with him.

Peter and I were reunited in June of 2001 and were planning on remarrying in October of 2001.

Needless to say I am overwhelmed by the loss of two of the most important people in my life. I miss them both terribly every day. I wish I would have died with Peter. I say that because a big part of me died on 9/11. Grief is very painful and I am going through a depressive episode at this point in my life. I am not close with my siblings and I'm OK with that. I'd rather not deal with people who haven't been very nice to me throughout the years. I am in pain right now but I know this will pass.

We can pick our friends. We're born into our families.

I went to my first bereavement support group last Tuesday and tomorrow I'll go to another group that meets on Monday evenings. I am in an emotional pit right now that is very low but in time and with the strength of God I will get out of this and move on. I will find happiness in my life. Now is a time for me to heal.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to write down my current experiences with grief.


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Anniversary date - Mother: 2001, P
Date of post - 2-17-02

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