My Best Friend and Husband

Leslie Redd

This is so fresh that I think I'm still in shock (my husband died less than 3 weeks ago), but I read somewhere that writing about your grief can lead to healing. My husband was 32 when he chose to take his life. I feel so betrayed and lonely in the loss of both my best friend and love. I know that he was a severe alcoholic, and I worry that success in my career made his life worse, but I try not to feel guilty because I know I did everything I could to help him. The worst part is that both of his parents blame me for his death, and now are basically pretending that I don't exist... I wish that gap could be bridged, for they are all I have left of him.

I'm tired of showing how strong I am to my friends and family. I just want to curl up in a little ball and be sad, but every time I try to cry I can't. Am I some kind of monster for not being able to express how I feel, even to myself? I miss being able to talk to him in the evening when I come home, being able to hug him, laying beside him before we drift off to sleep. I wish he would have been able to talk to me before he died - he was all by himself, and now I am too

Leslie Redd

You can send email to Leslie Redd at [email protected]

mail welcome

Anniversary date - October 2001
Date of post - 11-5-01

[return to home page] [column] [book excerpts] [honor page] [discussions page]