When I switch the channels on the TV and come across a football game, I am reminded of you.
When I drive to work and pass a car looking like yours, I am reminded of you.
When I see a jogger running on the parkway, I am reminded of you.
When I hear a song you loved, I am reminded of you.
And,in about a million other ways every day, I am reminded of you.
Our life together was difficult, it's true, but our love for each other was so very real.
I tried, you know how hard I tried, but the struggle became too much for me.
I realize now how alone you must have felt, even though you weren't alone at all.
I only wish I had realized, before it was too late, that the struggle was too much for you too.
I never thought you would leave this world at your own hand, but I saw it with my own eyes.
I am still struggling to digest it, it still seems so unreal.
The pain is intense, the longing for you to be alive.
Sadness for your daughters, whose young lives are so forever changed by your death.
Melancholy for your parents, who never knew of the inner struggles you fought.
Despair for myself, for not recognizing the depth of your desperation.
Everybody hurts.
I know it's not what you would have wanted.
I know you were only thinking about yourself.
I'm angry at you for hurting us all. It was such a selfish act.
But I love you and miss you and forgive you too.
I pray that you have found peace at last.
I will try to enjoy the reminders of you, and not weep so much everyday.
You are everywhere that I am, and that is a gift from God.
Until we meet again, on the stairway to heaven?
Regards,
Karen
