My story starts with a beautiful young man that is my "step" son...so they say. To me...he is My Son. He was going to graduate in May 2001. Joshua Kenneth Callahan had a wonderful sense of humor, a kindness that went on and on forever, a heart as big as the sky, and love that went out to everyone no matter what they did, who they were, or where they were from. Joshua was killed the evening of December 12, 2000 in a tragic automobile accident, where two other boys were injured, both physically and mentally. We didn't get to say goodbye to Joshua. Now there are things we wish we could change and things we wish we could say to him. But, now we will never have the chance, until we get to heaven. There are things, I especially wish I would have done different, or would have just done. Don't we all. I wish I could have told him how much I loved him, how sorry I was for not being the mother I should have been, and how I wish I could have done things differently.
My whole family, husband, two daughters, and myself, seem to be growing further and further apart. Seem to be losing touch, not knowing how to express the way we feel, not knowing how to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we've made with Joshua. I wish we could just talk about it. That alone would help. Josh would have been 19 tomorrow. We both, my husband and I took off work and my daughters will be home too. We will probably go to the grave yard, look through pictures, and read things that are by Joshua and about Joshua. You see, Joshua was born premature. He wasn't supposed to live to be 6 months old. He had precardia and an underdeveloped lung. We had 18 wonderful years with him though. 18 years we might not have had with him otherwise.
We miss him so much.