I thought I had the perfect life, I have 2 beautiful healthy children, now 8 and 9. And this past year Feb 5th, 2001, I delivered a healthy beautiful baby boy we named Brendan Charles. He weighed in at 8 lbs. 15 ounces. 3 days later we got to take him home and things seemed wonderful from there. We had great joy from family and friends and we couldn?t of been more blessed to have such a beautiful, happy baby. After his 3rd week he was spitting up more then usual to we took him in to the children?s hospital and we were told he had pyloric stenosis, a blockage in a tube that goes down to his stomach. We were told it was very common in babies that age. He recovered from that the very quickly, he was able to take in his milk the very next day and able to keep it down so we took him home and did not have a problem with that since. He was once again a very healthy baby boy.
Before he was to turn 7 months old, I will never forget that day, it was the day that changed my life forever, I decided to take my older children out swimming that day, and left him home to spend some quality time with his daddy. I picked him up from his crib that day around 3pm and I took him downstairs and told my other 2 kids to get ready. I was waiting while my boyfriend made his bottles so that he could take him. I made his bottle and fixed a little bed for him on the floor and gave him his bottle and he took his bottle and gave me the cutest look before I took off. I never imagined that it was going to be the last time I would see him alive. I got home around 4:30pm and told my kids to throw their wet swim clothes down to the basement and at the same time something told me to run upstairs to my bedroom. I didn?t even say anything to my boyfriend; I just knew where to find him, even though I had 4 other rooms including his, upstairs in my home. I ran up the stairs and he was supposed to be down for a nap on my bed when he had rolled off the bed and into the tiny space between the bed and the wall. When I found him I screamed, and called 911 for help. By then he was down for 15 minutes for his nap and when I found him he had turned all blue. After that is all blurry, I do not remember much except the nurses telling me to calm down, the doctors were doing all they could and that the crisis worker will be down shortly. After hearing that, I knew in my heart but didn?t want to believe that my baby boy was gone. He had died from suffocation and there was nothing the doctors, ambulance drivers or nurses could do, they tried all they could to revive him but it was too late. They pronounced him dead at 5:30pm, just 2 ? hours after I kissed him goodbye, not knowing I was kissing him goodbye forever. Brendan Charles Stevens died August 24th, 2001 at the age of 6 months and 19 days. Your family misses you and loves you so much, I dedicate this poem to you my son and other families who have lost their little ones. It was given to me after I lost my baby.
This is hard to understand.
I had so many dreams for you.
I?ve wondered how I?d feel
When you learned to say my name and yours.
I?ve thought about the day When you would start to school.
I guess I?ll think about you
When the leaves begin to change
Or when I see a snowflake land
On someone?s stocking cap.
I?d like to watch you
Squish the mud right up between your toes
Some moist, warm April day,
It?s hard to know that it will never be.
I hurt inside.
I?ve missed you now, already.
It?s hard to understand
In fact, I don?t.
Love you always Brendan Charles, until we unite again in Heaven, your mommy Jenny.