Honoring My Mother

Amy Dunbar

My young mother, Betsy--45, died on February 3, 2001. She went into the hospital for a routine CT scan to "check polyps on her kidneys." My father called and told me it was bladder cancer. My world was completely shaken. I was ready to leave my job and go home to help mom. I wanted to help her and spend time with her. Two hours later my sister called and said that mom was in the ICU and that the neurolgist had been in to see mom. At that point, I knew it was over. My husband and I caught the red-eye from LA to Atlanta and it was the longest night of my life. Unfortunately, there was still hope. Hope that mom might wake up from this. Maybe when the whole family got to be with her we would have a miracle and she would wake up. Not so.

As is turns out, mom died of a pulmonary embolism. It is never the things we worry about that kill us. Mom exercised, ate right, never smoked or drank alcohol. She followed all the rules to live a healthy long life.

What went wrong?

The doctors kept mom on life support so that all us kids could see her one last time. Mom looked like mom, only swollen and smaller. She looked like she was sleeping. We all got to say our goodbyes and my sister and I stayed on to wait with mom as they took her off of life support. It took six minutes. Mom was braindead when we got to her so the doctors said she never felt any pain. But did she feel fear? Fear can be painful too, right?

My mother and I were very close and talked everyday. It seems like an eternity since we last spoke. She is always on my mind. Even though I've been back at work and in my routine since March, her passing seems to have just become clear. This mother's day weekend was torture.

I am trying to honor my mom's spirit by doing proactive activities. I want her memory to be honored in such a way that others will benefit. I miss my mother terribly and wish I could have her back. What do we do now?

Thank you for this outlet. I hope this can help somebody.


Amy Dunbar

You can send email to Amy Dunbar at [email protected]

mail welcome

Anniversary date - 02-03-01
Date of post - 05-14-01

[return to home page] [column] [book excerpts] [honor page] [discussions page]