My mom passed away the exact moment of the first day of spring this year. People tell me that each day will be a little easier. It is NOT! It seems some days are better than others but there are those days, when a scent, a song, or the sight of something brings back a memory. Or those days when something happens and I immediately think, "I should call Mom about this", then remember I can't. My mom was my best friend and a wonderful, fun loving woman. She would hate the idea that my grief is so painful that I can barely function some days. She would want to see me going to rummage sales and planting flowers and spreading sunshine.
Unfortunately I feel more like downpours and thunderstorms right now. I hope someone who's been there can tell me there is hope. That I will be able to smile someday at the thought of my precious mom, without wanting to scream at the memory of the horrible suffering of her last 3 weeks. I'm glad I was there for her. (She died at home but with all the medical equipment she thought it was a nursing home.) I know in my head those 3 weeks were such a short time of her life. She had just turned 75.
I just don't know how to make my heart release it. Mom died in my dad's arms with my
sister and I by side holding her hand. The most peaceful look came upon her face after her last breath. I'm glad I was there to see it. My mom would have wanted me to smile remembering all the silly times together. At 75 years old she loved the song "Who Let The Dogs Out". Everyone loved her and called her "Aunt Wini". The little town in Northern Wisconsin where she lived until just months before her death, declared her birthday a town festival every year. She was a dynamic and loving person. She deserves a tribute, not tears as a remembrance. I pray someday I will be able to honor her that way.
Nancy Myers-Stinemates
