Still Trying to Cope

Loriann Woodard

Lost my dad at age 25. I am now 29, and just now understanding that I never dealt withit. So here I go. My kids were 7 & 4. They still don't understand why grandpa is in a box, on my entertainment center, course neither do I. He was 49. Lung cancer. Operated on in Nov of 1995. Half a lung gone 4 rib bones. Full life support for 2 mos. Feb 96 out of hospital, said he was better. Returned to work in 1 yr. May 96 asked me to please stay calm, I just started a job at Motorola, kicked out an abusive boyfriend, had 2 babies. He didn't want to be a burden, was moving into mom's house in Wyo. Told me exactly what I had to do.(bills, will,life insurance, credit cards, funeral, cremation, etc.). Me? In denial the whole time. He was the beat in my heart. The answer to any ?, the ride for being stranded, the money for being broke, the shoulder to cry on,my world.......You know....7 mos in Wyo. getting worse each day.

Nov 96 good lung full of cancer have until April 13th. Ok we can do this. Understand have not seen my dad since May 96. Would not let me come. Didn't want to be the cause of me missing work. Put into Hospice House in Jan, 1st week. Still I wasn't to come. Jan 31st got a phone call. "I love you, you make me proud, take care of my grand babies, keep up the good work Kiddo" "not much longer now, I can feel it, I'm going home. Stay happy. Tell my babies grandpa loves them. And Lori, keep your chin up, you know what to do. I love you." click

That was it. I never heard his beautiful voice again. The following Sat my rock, my heart, passed away, without saying good bye. I never got to see the body, just a box of dust. How do I know that it is really my father. Ya know what I mean? His last words were, from what they tell me were,"Where is Lori? I haven't said goodbye. Tell her I love her." And that was that. Four years later, I still pretend he is alive, and that I cannot talk to him cuz the cabin in Wyo has no phone. Feb 8th 1997 will be a day I'll never forget.

Thanks for your page. it helped me tell the story to someone who cannot yell back, "oh just deal with it!" I will always be grateful..............Something I just learned, His body died, but his warmth & soul will live on forever in me & my children.....God bless..................I just need to not be selfish and know, I am not lone. Thank you...

Loriann Woodard

You can send email to Loriann Woodard at [email protected]

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Anniversary date - 02-08-97
Date of post - 03-21-01

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