May 19, 2000 was a typical day, 3 days previous I had taken my Mom and Step-Dad to the Dulles Airport, so he could attend a business meeting in Erlangen, Germany. I told my Mon I loved her and kissed her goodbye with my 7 year old son Jacob. On the ride home it seemed he cried alot more than usual. My ex-husband was staying with us, since there was nobody else to help. On Friday afternoon there was a phone call from my step-father, and he said something terrible has happened, your mother has died. I tried calling my Aunt's in Indianapolis, and in Merrillville.
There was no answer at all and I assumed he was lying (in denial of course). Then came the real agony telling my 7 year old son that his Grandmother was gone. It was heart-wrenching. Thank God for my ex, he kept me alive. I adored my Mother and she was my best friend in the whole world and living without her is the most difficult thing. I am not functioning. I lived with her for four years, and LOVED her company and now I feel so alone and lost that I don't think I will ever be able to be happy again. It comes in spurts, some days I go through the motions and others I wish I was with her. I am also an orphan, lost, hollow and wondering how I will ever overcome this. I want to thank all of you for your stories, I don't feel so alone but yet we all know we are. Nobody can ever understand the magnitude of the loss of a parent and I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I am mad at God for this but I know there is some silver lining but I have no idea how to find it.