I am approaching the two year anniversary of my father's death. In a way, it seems like he's been absent for longer, but then again, it seems like yesterday that I kissed his cheek and told him not to be afraid. You see, my father felt safe with me and during his illness, he often asked for me. I was the brave one that tried to act like everything would be okay. Even though, inside, my stomach was in knots and my heart was broken. In his last days, we cried a lot, knowing that he probably wasn't going to live, but mom never allowed us to cry in front of him, because she didn't want him to worry.
In August 1998, I had taken a week's vacation. My husband and I spent our first day of vacation helping my father clean up the yard. The following day, dad wasn't feeling very well. He went to the doctor and they did a chest x-ray. To make a long story short, my father was later diagnosed with lung cancer. On September 3,1997, my whole world crumbled. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart with a knife. My father had a bronchial scope and was diagnosed. My father was only 57. He and I had a lot in common. He was my friend, my confidant and my biggest fan.He used to call me up every night and ask me to come over and visit. I have many wonderful memories of my dad and I cherish every one of them. I would give anything to see him again and talk with him about nothing.
One day, while visiting his grave, I knelt before the stone which marks his plot. I began to cry and told him how much I missed him and loved him. I also asked him why he hadn't given me a sign, as I had asked him to, to let me know he was okay. At that moment, the clouds broke and the sunshine touched my face. What a beautiful moment. This was the sign I had been waiting for. To this day, he is my sunshine. Even though he's not here, I know he's with me and even though, he can't respond, I still talk to him and in my heart, he answers. I love you daddy!!! Your absence has left a hole in my heart that will never heal. May God Bless you and Keep you until we meet again.
Rachelle A. Ferrante
