Well, I was a Junior in High School when my trauma began. Oliver was having fun in college so I thought. He was going to college in Boston. I will never forget the day that he left to leave. See Oliver had to have everything perfect... whether it was his car, hair or clothes. He was just that type of person. When I went to go visit him in college he didn't look so great, he just didn't look like himself. Of course I didn't think anything of it at the time, I just thought that he wasn't adjusted yet. 2 months went by after that. Oliver hadn't called me when he was visiting family at home. One night I was hanging out with Oliver's brother when I went into his draw and found a bag a coke in it. I didn't know what to think. How could he be doing this, and without telling me? I didn't say anything to him when he came home, I was kinda waiting for him to tell me, but it never happened.
We hung out a couple times before he went back to college. It was Spring Break the next time that he came home! It was just a normal morning for me until I went to school and heard the news. On March 3, 2000, Oliver was pronounced dead. His family was away, visiting relatives that weekend. And when his father came home, he saw his son laying there, dead on the ground.
Oliver was supposed to be fixing his car that night, or so he wanted us to think that. The police don't know what time he died, or if it was a suicide or accidental (he left nothing, no note or anything). It is just going to be an unknown question in my life FOREVER. Although no drugs were found in his system, Only a little bit of weed, I wish I would have asked him about that coke in his draw that one day.
His family had an open casket for him. When I saw Oliver's name on the sign for the wake, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't start to cry again until I saw him lying there in the casket. I just wanted him to look at me and open his eyes just one more time....but it didn't happen. He was such a great friend, I just don't understand what was so wrong with him that he couldn't tell anyone about? The day on the funeral I looked at him one last time, knowing that I would never see his face ever again. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and just wanted to throw my body in there with him, but now I know that I have to live my life, like the way he wanted me too. I miss him and love him so much. I guess now all I can do is wait until I meet him along the walks of heaven on day. I miss you O'Dawg you'll always be in my heart no matter where you are!
I wrote this poem for him, the day after he died~
I just found out you went on to a better place,
when I heard, it shocked me, like a slap in the face.
It makes me think about all the times we had
And now that you're gone, it makes me angry & sad
Angry because he took you to the skies above,
Sad because I didn't show you more love.
Now you're an angel all dressed in white,
I'll be forever wondering why you didn't put up a fight.
But now that you're gone, I'm just lost for words.
I still can't believe what I just heard,
I'll always love you with all my heart,
I think you knew it from the start.
I just want you to know,
I'll always miss you and love you Oliver
and that will never be a lie,
I can't believe your gone,
I'll be forever wondering why?
"The only way to take the sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."
Michelle Schmidt
