On July 22, 2000 I gave birth to a stillborn baby girl in a hotel room's toilet . My boyfriend and I were in town for a sporting event. This was a shock to both of us. I did not know I was pregnant. I am still in shock that I carried a baby 20-22 weeks inside of me and had no signs of pregnancy.

I am a 34-year old mother and I am well aware of the signs of pregnancy. Baby Girl Michaela did not give me any warning signals. Once I saw my baby girl there mywas a immediate attachment and love for her - but she was already gone. We never had a chance with each other. Once I arrived to the hospital and was taken care of, my baby was brought to me. I was hysterical and in shock. I had to contact a funeral director to pick up my baby. This was unbelievable. Once we arrived home we had to make arrangmemts.I was totally devastated that I had to leave my baby behind. My every thought is about my baby. I have strong faith in the Lord and I pray that I can accept his decision.I seek comfort in talking with others but I try not to be alone. When I'm alone I really hurt. I ask myself what did I do wrong to cause her death. Why I didn't know she was there. Why I don't know my body. It's funny how a mother's love is. I didn't even know she was there but once I did I fell in love with her, forever.



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Anniversary date - 7-22-00
Date of post - 8-10-00

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