My son Zachary Francis was killed on febuary 25,2000. We had stayed overnight at my fiance's house .The next morning I packed our things and gave Zackary his milk and some crackers. We then left at 11:00 that morning.It was a beautiful day and all seemed well. As we approached the construction zone of the road { speed limit was 55 } a truck was in my lane and I ran off the right side to avoid hitting them. I lost control when my tire blew and passed the center line. The oncoming truck hit exactly where my baby was on the passenger side. I lost time and forgot my baby and what had happened then realized." Oh my God not my baby!" I fought the door and dislocated my shoulder to get out. I climbed around to where he was and when I did I felt my heart shatter. My precious baby was crushed under the door and try as I might could not get him out.I never got to hold him again.The last thing I saw him do before he passed or was on his way to his heaven is throw up the crackers and juice I fed him. Doctors later told me it is a natural body function of someone dying. I was flown by helicopter and he by ambulance. I saw him again at 1:30 on a machine keeping his organs alive. I signed away all his living organs that hour. Cause of death - bleeding internally in the abdomen causing blood flow to the brain to stop, becuase his brain was too swollen. The car seat tray did this. I have dreams I have to save him and I do except he is always cold,hard and lifeless in my arms. I cannot remember his smile or see his eyes open no matter how hard I visualize. The hardest part is that I miss him so much it hurts. The harder I try to go on the further I feel I am from his memory. Does that make sense? I need to talk to someone who really understands and listens to my story. Maybe then I won't feel so alone in my grief.
Tonia
