I am not sure where to start -- I came looking for comfort but found nothing like my experience -- my Mother died at 67 years young of sudden brain anyursm -- I did not get to say goodbye to her -- she was at my baby sister's with my Dad when she died -- I got the call -- I was in shock -- I went -- I saw her -- and still cannot believe she is gone andleft me with so many unansered questions -- I know little to nothing about her life -- I remember her having 2 younger brothers who commited suicide in their early 40's. My Dad was very abusive -- I have been in therapy for almost 10 years now -- my Dad totally controlled my Mom -- I had not seen her in almost 13 years before her death -- my Dad had kept her away from me -- now he says he is sorry for that and he wants me to take care of him -- step in and fill my Mothers shoes -- I cannot forgive him for keeping me from my Mother -- I am angry at my Mother that she never stood up to him -- I always thought something would happen to my Dad and then my Mom and I could be close and I would find out all the "secrets" !!! now i feel suicidal -- I am working with my therapist-- but everything is such a mess when their is history of abuse and suicides in family history -- now a grief of the loss of your Mother -- the grief of not having some type of relationship with her -- the grief of never knowing the "FAMILY SECRETS" for they died with her -- if anyone shares these experiences please correspond -- thank you for a place to say these things.
Pauline
