My mom died in a fatal car accident in the afternoon of Monday, May 11th,1981, after dropping me off at my music teachers house for clarinet lessons. We had a little fight in the car and I had gotten out of that car angry and without saying "goodbye". Well - my mom drove off with my sister and brother to get some groceries and never came back.... A drunk driver hit her car with his truck and she was pronounced dead on the scene.
Today, exactly 19 years later, I still miss her so much. When my mom died, relatives and neighbors told me it's okay to be sad, "but don't upset your dad any more!", meaning: be a good girl, keep quiet and be helpful. Well, that't what I did: I hardly ever cried in front of anybody, never talked about my mom and didn't even go to her funeral, because I was to afraid to upset my dad by crying. That's how I "missed" my final (?) chance to say "goodbye". But everybody gets three strikes, right?, so here I go.
Dear mom, I never go to the cemetary to visit you, because for me, you are not there.
I hardly ever talk about you, because I don't trust most people enough to open myself up.
I hardly ever look at your pictures, because it hurts to much.
But in my heart I carry you forever and ever, in the one safe place where I can treasure your memory.
I know you are up there in the sky and watch over me. I hope you are proud of me.... People tell me I look so much like you, do you agree??
Goodbye for now, my sweet mom, I love and miss you very much. But please don't worry about me, I'll be okay.