Beverly Jean Abel was only 16 years old when she found out that she was expecting a baby. I think that fear and excitement ran through her, as she had just had major back surgery one year previous. But, excitement did take over when she told all that she was going to have a daughter.
My mother was born in Bell, California on May 6, 1955. Exactly 45 years from the very moment that I write this. She was one of seven children with my grandfather. They were a young,poor family that stuggled to get by.
When Beverly was 17 she gave birth to me on November 24, 1972. She swore that she would only have one since her crazy mother was a "baby machine". As a young mother, she struggled with my father to raise me. They never really loved each other and fought endlessly until they were divorced, about six months after I was born.
My mother was simply the most beautiful person that I have ever laid eyes on. She had this amazing appreciation for life and for me. She always made time for me, encouraged me,respected me, loved me unconditionally. I always knew that when my mother looked at me, she was so proud of our accomplishments. My mother was a beautiful woman of music. She played the guitar and sang like there was an angel hanging behind you. The sunshine would dance on her brown hair.
She taught me to sing when I was very young. She encouraged music in me and I think she would be proud to know that it worked. I take my singing seriously, and enjoy playing my guitar in her honor.
Beverly Jean struggled with growing older. She turned 30 on May 6, 1985. She absolutely could not handle that she was losing her youth,which I think represented control for her. My mother liked to drink alcohol. She was a younger hippie who worked hard to find herself in drugs and men. As well, she needed medication for various things. My mother died in her sleep on January 5, 1986, she was 30 years young. I was 13 years old.
I will reach the age of 30 in two and half years. It sits with me and I work to understand my feelings about it. I love my mom. I miss her. But, I would not have it any other way. The Universe is alive, compassionate and beautiful and as I grow I learn that my mothers absence is necessary for my growth. I live my life completely differently than her. Maybe as she would have wanted to live hers. Everytime I learn a new lesson, or break new ground in my life,it is all in honor of her.
Ena Marie Abel
