My mother died of metastatic breast cancer on April 14th, 2000. Less than two weeks ago. The pain that I feel is unbearable. My mind can't accept what I know has happened. She was sick for a long time - never complaining.
Always the 'Mom". Worried more about us and my Dad. He is lost without her - there is so much pain in his face. She is my best friend. We talked every day - sometimes a couple times a day. I saw my parents 3 - 4 times a week.
How can she be gone? We were all there with her in the hospital when she died. We saw it happen, yet, all I could think of was that I couldn't wait to get home and call my Mom to tell her about this awful experience in the hospital and she would tell me everything was going to be okay. I still want to pick up the phone. I want to hear her voice, touch her hand, hug her again. The 'never agains' are what is killing me. I can't bear it. I am so lost. I need my Mom and can't understand how God could put her through all this - the pain, the chemo, the radiation - only to be taken from us anyways.
She was only 69. My parents had been married 48 years and had been together since 9th grade. My father doesn't know how to do anything else but be her husband and 'other half'. They were everything to each other - inseparable.
So - now what? I wish I could see her in a dream - know that she is okay and that we will see her again one day. It scares me that we won't. I know that she is 'better off' now. She is no longer in pain. But, what I don't understand is why she had to have cancer in the first place so that her only option to be 'better off' was to die. She told me a few months ago that she wasn't afraid to die - she was afraid of leaving us because she loved us so much. I hope she didn't really 'leave' us - I hope she is watching over us and that she's not afraid anymore.
My Mom: Patricia W. Wilson March 31, 1931 to April 14, 2000