My name is Julie and I am 51 years old. I have been raising children all my life. I was blessed with ten (10) children of my own to raise, plus I am the oldest daughter of a large family.
On September 18 1983, My oldest son, Terry Lee drowned. He was only fourteen (14) years old. Burying him, I thought was the worst experience I would ever have to do. I just wanted to die, but I didn't. I had eight (8) other children to care for.
Then on October 19, 1996, my youngest son Charlie was murdered. He was only sixteen (16) years old. I was so angry, that I didn't take the time to mourn his loss. The judicial system failed and nobody was charged with murder.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what my sons would look like and what they would be doing if they were alive. They both were so much fun a enjoyed life and made everyone around them laugh. I see their faces in a croud of kids and in cars driving down the road with loud music on. I see them at the mall and at the river fishing. I miss their hugs and kisses and words of wisdom that they always reminded mom of.
There are so many times that I thought that this should not have happened to me. Not twice, not two sons. Then a small voice asks me, then who should this have happened to? And then I say, there is not one person in this whole world thatI dislike enough, to wish this loss on anyone. Then God reminds me that he will not give me more to carry then what I can handle. God must think that I am stronger then I knew myself. Someday, I will know the purpose for my losses. Until then, I keep a smile on my face thinking about all the good times that I had with Terry and Charlie. They will always be in my heart. I have two very special Angels of my own.
Thanks for letting me write this down.