My Son Nathaniel


Vickie Lynn Matusky

My name is Lynn. and I lost my son 3 years ago this April..he was killed 1 day after his 21st..birhtday...he was killed by a train...his friends and himself decided to go out by the tracks and celebrate his birthday..they went out by the tracks so as not to disturb anyone...Nathaniel was on the track..saw the train coming..but because he had ben drinking his reaction time was slow...as he turned to clear the track he was hit on the right side of his body...killed instantly...tumbled and broke his left arm..my daughter was the one who called me and told me that my son was dead..I did not find this out until I went to her houe..thinking that she and my son-in-law were in a fight and he was hurting her...she had to blurt it out..because I thought she was being hurt...I lost it..and fell to the floor...my son was..my only son..and my first born..he was awesome..loving, kind, gentle, strong, self willed, generous, and I love him very much..I miss him terribly..and I'm angry that he is gone..I know that he is with the Lord and isn't suffering the things we have to go through here on earth..I also believe my son is watching out for me..and is always with me..but I can't seem to get a grip on his death...I feel very cheated..he wasn't allowed to have a family...or get marrried...any of the thngs that young men do after high school ..he was however in the Navy for two years and he hated it...but he did follow through with it..I admired Nathaniel very much..he handled problems much in the same way that I do..He was alot like me..and he was my buddy and friend..we could talk and cry over anything..I can still see his face, his eyes, his smile, his hair, his pimples, his expressions..I can hear his laughter..and I miss him...my daughter and I are not close and probably never will be..but that's okay..she is her own person..but so am I..we thnk differently..and i feel she just doesn't understand and she can't..she didn't lose a son she lost a brother..to me there is a difference...anyway, I feel lost..and depressed most of the time..it is especially hard during March and April..I do not handle his death very well. I have lost two jobs because I do not cope very well...and I don't want to lose this one either...I love my job, but I love Nathaniel too and I want him back..I know that won't happen..but that's how I feel..my time with my son was short..very short..too short..I feel like he is the only one who ever cared about me and the only one who ever loved me for me. I have so much to say and can't so I will close for now.. Thank you for letting tell you just a little of how I feel..

Vickie Lynn Matusky



You can send email to Vickie Lynn at: vmatusky@aol.com
mail welcome


anniversary date 4-94
date of post 04-05-96

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW