A Recovering Widow's Poems


Sharon Weber

May 21, 1994

How can you be gone?
I wasn't finished with you yet.
Now I have to "finish with you"
without you.

May 23, 1994

Last week it was
dark and raining when
I first went to his grave.
Now there's sunshine.
The world is beautiful,
the earth feels good.
How can I live here
without my love.

May 29, 1994

I just want this pain to end!
But it seems
if that happens,
it will be the end
of him.

June 26, 1994

How could you leave me alone?
You know me better than anyone,
You know I hate being alone.

July 13, 1994

Twenty Years With David

Why did you leave me
just when we were
getting to know each other.

October 31, 1994

It's so hard
to be in love
with a dead man

November 1, 1994

Homeless

Widowhood
has made me
homeless.
I still eat and sleep
in our house,
but it's not
my home.
It's an
empty
shell.
Lifeless.

December 7, 1994

My Love

If only you could be here
If only you could still feel my love for you
If only you didn't die
But you did
And you're not here
And I still love you.

February 25, 1995

Dream Life

Sometimes
when the memories of "before"
flood over me
it's like waking up and
realizing it was all
a dream.
I even
remember the part
in the dream about thinking
"this is too good to be true".

March 27, 1995

Directions

Where to from here?
I'm so lost.
Everything hurt so much
I erased it from my life.
It's a blank future.
Where do I begin?
Do I want to,
without him?

April 12, 1995

Happy 40th Birthday David

I keep saying
"it would have been"
your 40th birthday.
But tomorrow IS your birthday.
We can still celebrate
that day
40 years ago
when you were born,
but it will be a pain-filled celebration
without you.
I'll try to allow myself to feel happy
on your day,
to be happy for the life you had
(and we had).
I'll try to imagine that
you are wonderfully happy now.
I'll try as hard as I can.
Help me,
Be here with me.
Share tomorrow with me.

August 19, 1995

Deby

Please, please
don't go.
I'll miss you so much.
But I know
you have to.
Give my love to David.
Tell him I miss
him with all my heart.
I'll be thinking of you both
December 31, 1999.

August 26, 1995

Meaningless

My life
empty
no friends
no religion
no desires

I've invited 6 friends over for a barbecue tomorrow.
Yesterday I finally sold my house and will start to find another.
I've got trips to Toronto, Kelowna and Fairmont coming up
and a camping trip in the mountains.
I've got a dance to go to and a photography course to take.
So why do I feel so alone and meaningless?
Why does it feel like no one loves me.
Is it because they don't?
Or am I just sick
and depressed.

September 6, 1995

Go gently dear Deby,
to a wonderful life,
to a place, I am certain
that will have no more strife.

A place not just peaceful
but challenging too,
a place where you'll thrill
with adventures all new.

A place that will feel
like your home right away,
as your loved ones and Savior
will meet you that day.

So when the time comes
go on to the light,
just follow it quickly,
you'll know that it's right.

October 21, 1995

A storm came up at sea today
and swept my mate away,
now I'm all alone in the raging dark
and cannot find my way.

All day and night the winds howl
I think it cannot last,
but then the storm grows stronger
so I cling tightly to the mast.

It gives me a comfort I can't explain
it seems to ease my loss,
then gazing up at what I hold
I find it is the Cross.

The storm has not been calmed yet
but my strength grows more and more,
and with the Cross to cling to
one day I'll reach the shore.

July 2, 1996

If Given a Chance to Return To the Past

A Haiku Poem

Would I go back for
the chance to have David here?
I would if I could.

Would I go back if
it meant I would lose Dennis?
No, not for the world.

And so now I know
why life moves on, and the past
cannot be re-lived.

Sharon Weber



You can send email to Sharon at: dweb@cwave.com
mail welcome


anniversary date 12-07-93
date of post 04-23-98

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW